Crazy

It’s crazy how I’m shaking thinking about tomorrow memories and what I wanna say is deeply going through my head. I’m scared scared to see you in that casket. My heart isn’t ready for this. I can feel it. Why am I shaking? Why are my eyes bloodshot? I guess that’s what a broken heart feels like so many memories and thoughts what could’ve been and what should’ve been is how I’m feeling I promise I’m trying to be as positive as I can be. I’m trying to be strong, but I’m weak alone lost, and confused. I have anger that I’m trying to control the sad part of my story is I’m thinking about the memories. I have growing up with you. you see people think that I was a perfect kid Ir had a perfect family naw the complete opposite .. growing up with my brothers naw we were all separated and broken. Lost kids son a bastard and black sheep but mom I know you did your best. I remember you telling me that you’re always sorry that you could’ve been a better mom and I said mom we have forever and you did your best. My mind is playing crazy tricks oh how I am dreading tomorrow. I wish it was over to I have a broken heart, I know that my life must go on you see mom it’s not like you were in my life my whole entire life I couldn’t just called you for 20 bucks but it’s OK. I love you no matter what.. for the people that don’t know and judge thinking they know how my mom felt or what we were to our mom just close your eyes and smack yourself ..so many emotions like a damn roller coaster. Im lost in love with you of not knowing that I can’t see you again, but the reality mom is, I know I loved you so much and I know you love me even in the very end of time ..we were all there for you. You had your three boys telling you it’s OK to go go be with God and go be with Rick. Were gonna be OK mama…not even two days later you took your last breath about 2 o’clock in the morning peacefully. I love you. I love you and I promise. I’ll think about you every day. My beautiful pretty brown eyes, funny loving, sweet, beautiful Linda. I love you, mommy. See you when I see you.