Reprogram

Cool for you to rub money in my face that’s sweet. Although if I weren’t here to bring this prick to school, you wouldn’t have a fucking job I’ll pack my shit tomorrow. if that’s what you want. Or I can kill myself tonight up to you. I don’t care either way. I guess I’m a manipulative motherfucker. If shit is going good I find ways to make me suffer. being a petty motherfucker. Pretty sick of living at this point if that’s what you can call it. I would call it surviving. It’s not like we’re thriving. I’ve been struggling my whole life. I think I might be sick of fighting. no more life. it sounds inviting. Thunder, Earthquake, Lightning. Everything that used to excite me. Fishing, hiking, biking, hunting, movies, tv, and fist fighting. I can’t even pick a program. That I wanna watch. I stare at the TV that is off. Staring at wall My brain is off. I think to myself I need to be reprogrammed. Shut off at the wall. I’m reloading. Now I never should have said that shit. I was wrong. And. I never meant to say that shit I didn’t mean it. It was mean. IT. Had nothing to do with you it’s just me. I. I just do this on my own. Shit be goin good and I just open my fat mouth and stick inside my foot. Everything I ever wanted I burn it into soot.

Just burning everything down

Sick of who I am right now

I need to find a new way out

Any way out of my head the way that I can treat myself better instead. Instead of making myself Hate myself, definition of insanity, doing the same thing and expecting a a different outcome. How come

I can’t just get out of myself up out of my bed

I have beautiful family but sometime I think

I’d be better off dead

I just keep doing the same shit I must be a sped

But it’s the only thing that I feel that can clear my head i’m just numb and I’m dumb. I need to jumpstart ahead. I know the only thing that matters is family in the end. I hate the fightin and the drama. I swear on my mama. I wouldn’t be my father. But I’ve become him. I’m bothered. I always want to be a good big brother. a great husband and father. But I’ve failed my own promise. If I’m being honest. I fuckin suck I’m a shmuck. Down on my luck and I dont give a fuck. What happens to me no joke

I just smoke

Drinkin

I’m thinkin

I have nightmares when I’m sleepin

I can’t breathe when I’m dreamin

I wake myself up by screamin

I think I’m possessed by some demons

I haven’t slept good in a minute

I haven’t been able to sleep in a while

I hope one day that I’ll smile

But every single day I feel suicidle

I add another tile, I-stick another brick on the pile

On my wall of shit I compile

I build a little bit higher

Once in a while feel inspired

To take a sledge and tear it apart

Because pain is art

And I’ve had it from the start

I’ll never be as smart

As I think I am

But maybe I can

Learn adapt and overcome

I’ll never forget where I started

Broke retarded

Filled with spunk

Don’t want to be remembered as a joke

A fuckin drunk

but I don’t know how to use it

If I don’t abuse it

Alcohol and music

Hip hop, it keeps my mind moving

Motown, it keeps me grooving

Slow jams, yeah they are soothing

Get the fuck outta here with that Country music