[Dark rave vamp][trap dnb]
[Hook][haunting female]
My scars that'll
Be with me through all'a my battles
where Im trapped & blind
Its dark I cant find light
No Dad & No mum
Nobody to come
Show me the way to my Lighthouse
Its on me to make it
So please
Try to be patient
[Gritty female trap dnb rap][verse 1]
I believe
The nasty things
people always say to me
They replay all day
In my head
I wish I was dead
But Im stuck in a bed
Suffering
all'a these
mental disabilities
& my demons making up stories
For me
That remind me Im not good enough
& I'm too much to love
Its all my fault & I'm to blame
Im the reason my mum gave me away
The war I fight everyday inside
Not an excuse its some insight why
I cant always see
When I treat
You badly
My wires are slightly wired
Differently
Most people learned to create
A pathway that takes you straight
Back to your home base
your inner lighthouse place
9 months inside your mother
she was your guide when you bonded after
Which forged your Instinctual sense
Now & forever is your reference
Of what & who is safe
Anytime & Always
[Hook]
[raspy female rap verse]
10 days old my new family
Came & adopted me
Disconnected from my guide
Made my lighthouse harder to find
A little baby
No idea of safety
instincts now linked
to always think
I need survival mode on constantly
24/7 High alert
Gotta be so I dont get hurt
Now my Hypervigilance
Is my resilience
Always lookin round me
body's screamin so loudly
danger! WATCH OUT
Then logic kicks in & says I'm home, safe & sound
I gotta re-route
Whats felt
& not trust it
shut down intuition & trust logic
When you think thats not your mum or dad
You dont understand
Cos they arent the 1 who had
You growing inside
The smell isnt right
& You look nothin alike
HER! she smells that way
& you both look the same
But shes Always leaving me
I gotta stay believing
My reality
& i am safe here with my family.
Suddenly
Outta nowhere
There was a boy here
We looked quite similar
He seemed so familiar
half brother
Same mother but different father
I felt more accepted
Less likely to get rejected
Now when people stare at me sayin how neat
Bein adopted must be
He'll be here
& understand the damage & grief
inside me
Cos I always have to be
grateful
Not able
To grieve the life
Id never meet
Noone understood
Or ever could
So I wanted my
Brother & me
To be like
a real family
[Half tempo]
But Sadly
He'd been in foster care
& he learned stuff there
Then he taught me
things a 4 year old shouldnt see
It ruined me
& He was supposed to be my safety
But now hes my bodys enemy!
& I couldnt tell any body
Cos he said that he would choke me
He showed me & proved he wasnt joking
3 decades I stayed quiet
& Now not gonna hide it
[Hook]
[Bridge][haunting]
I need to find out
The way to my lighthouse
So I stop triggering my shit
Thats makin it
Way Harder to navigate
& regulate the empty space
Thats supposed to be safe
& grounding
Not an empty surrounding
When I found it
Lights were out
But it was mine
My Dark Lighthouse
WorldsDrone08
