That's Whit She Said

“Och aye… I came wi’ me pipes… but she played 'em louder!”

LET THE BAGPIPES BLOW!

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Met her down in Glasgow, wearin’ nothin’ but a smile

She said, “Bring yer caber, laddie, let’s go highland-style!”

I said, “It might be long, but it’s stiff as a log”

She winked and grabbed it firmly – “Ye better not be all talk!”

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I said, “Careful now, it’s got some girth”

She said, “Och, I’ve had worse!”

Then she sat on it like a throne

And moaned out loud in full-blown tone:

"THAT’S WHIT SHE SAID!" – when I rolled her plaid

"THAT’S WHIT SHE SAID!" – when I piped her bad

"THAT’S WHIT SHE SAID!" – “Ye nearly split me head!”

And I just smiled like William Wallace in bed

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Took her by the loch, right by me clan’s old stone

She said, “Let’s christen the rock, give me the bone!”

I lifted her up, like a barrel o’ malt

She said, “Ye’ve got the rhythm, lad, nae fault!”

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I said, “D'ya like it rough?”, she said, “Like a bloody brawl!”

I said, “Gonna blow yer mind,” – she said, “Just like yer pipes, go all!”

She screamed so loud the sheep ran scared

And echoed through the glen: “I dinna care!”

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"THAT’S WHIT SHE SAID!" – when I played her tune

"THAT’S WHIT SHE SAID!" – “We’ll be sore till June!”

"THAT’S WHIT SHE SAID!" – while her boots flew off

"THAT’S WHIT SHE SAID!" – “You shag like a f#ckin’ highland trough!”

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She said, “Yer kilt's ridin’ high, and so am I”

I said, “I’m not wearin’ pants” – she said, “That’s no lie!”

She said, “Pipe me like your ancestors did!”

So I did – full blast – and she screamed, “Ye Highland stud, ye just broke my rib!”

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"THAT’S WHIT SHE SAID!" – with her hair all wrecked

"THAT’S WHIT SHE SAID!" – with me kilt unchecked

"THAT’S WHIT SHE SAID!" – “You’ve ruined me bed!”

But I’m a proud Scotsman, and that’s what she said