Revenge of the Torta

Hey Jonas

(what’s up, Cuhmeelo?)

Remember that torta I got with last week?

(Rosa?)

No, the other one

(Maria?)

No, the other one

(Elizabeth?)

No, the other one

(Salma?)

Yea, that one. She won’t leave me alone

(Verse 1- Camilo)

I saw her at the club staring at me (oh really)

She was unwrapping me like a Twinkie (nice)

She walked up breathing hard grasping for life

And then asked if I’d want her for one night (ok)

It’s 2 a m the clubs about to close

Her shoes are ripped I can see her toes

I finish my drink and go in for a kiss (yes!)

She wipes away the ketchup on her lips

She says she’s gonna ride me til I go limp

I might die, she’s shaped just like a blimp

But Jonas, don’t be afraid for me (why not?)

I’m exactly where I want to be!

(Chorus)

Oh torta, I can’t help myself around you girl

You’re gonna spin my life around just like a whirl

I’ll buy you all the Cheetos that you want

Or donuts, Fritos, pancakes or a warm croissant

But now you’re stalking me and I’m kinda scared

Should take your giant culo right back to the fair

(Verse 2)

The next day I’m feeling extra nice

That torta felt just like a vise (oh wow)

Then she asked what do you want to eat

I said it’s time for you to go and let me be

She got mad and threw a taco at my face

She missed so she grabbed more food off her plate (oh no)

I jumped out her van and ran for my dear life

She yelled she thought she could be my wife

Heard her van kick into high gear

She’s chasing me, these tortas won’t disappear!

(Chorus)

Oh torta, I can’t help myself around you girl

You’re gonna spin my life around just like a whirl

I’ll buy you all the Cheetos that you want

Or donuts, Fritos, pancakes or a warm croissant

But now you’re stalking me and I’m kinda scared

Should take your giant culo right back to the fair

(Verse 3)

Jonas, I ran for several blocks

This torta got me in her sights and locked (watch out)

I jumped over a fence hoping I’d lose her

But she ran through it like a PT Cruiser

I looked like Indiana Jones running from the boulder

Didn’t help last night she bruised up my shoulder

Reached in my pocket and threw down a crumb

She dove for it, I got away but felt dumb

Because everywhere I go now, she’s not too far behind (oh no)

I’m gonna be running for the rest of my life (how sad)

I learned that tortas are a red flag, as fun as they are

They tear up burritos just like they tear up your car

So now I’m gonna have to take a torta break

I have to think about my life and everything at stake

So Jonas, I leave this task up to you

Take care of the tortas, and love them true (I will)

And if things go sideways like the weather

We’ll run off to safer place that’s torta free together

(Chorus)

Oh torta, I can’t help myself around you girl

You’re gonna spin my life around just like a whirl

I’ll buy you all the Cheetos that you want

Or donuts, Fritos, pancakes or a warm croissant

But now you’re stalking me and I’m kinda scared

Should take your giant culo right back to the fair

Be safe Jonas