Canción de las Tortas

Keep pushing, Jonas

You’re getting stronger

2 more sets

Yes, you’ll pick up any torta in no time…

Or my name isn’t Cuhmeelo

(Verse 1 - Cuhmeelo)

I remember talking to skinny ladies

Trying to make love to them all

But I was sad at all the parties

Because they’re not fun at all

Then I see me hermano Jonas

Looking lonely and sad like me

And we agree that all our ladies

Should be huge and not skinny

So we smashed our first tortas

What a dream come true

I asked what did they want after

They said to eat hella food

The next day we were both sore

My arms were on fire

But me and Jonas both agreed

To smash tortas til we retire

(Verse 2 - Jonas)

That story was a long time ago

We’re torta experts by now

Let me explain to all of you

The difference between a torta and a cow

A cow has no shame

Just eats whatever she can

But a torta has higher standards

And will treat you like a man

A torta will hold onto you

With her one free hand

Because the other hand of hers

Is holding up a giant pan

Filled with hot Cheetos, and Fritos and Lays

And Doritos, and funions, and sun chips

And pan dulce, and donuts, and bear claws

And Pringles, and Twinkies and corn nuts

And cream cheese and salsa and puff balls

And that’s why we love them all

(CHORUS - Cuhmeelo and Jonas)

We love them tortas

Of all different size

At least two eighty

Prefer three fifty-five

We love to hold them

Close to our hearts

They’re warm in the winter

And fill your shopping carts

(Verse 3 - Cuhmeelo)

Now we’re in the gym

Pushing ourselves to the max

It’s the only way

We’ll be able to hold up their fat

I got the new dually

To handle the weight

And bought them new bibs

For when they eat a whole cake

My life’s never been better

Tortas are the best

You’re always at a drive thru

Plus they got giant breasts

They’ll break your whole bed frame

And flatten your tires

And don’t let them ride you

The air in your lungs will expire

Stay in great shape

To pick up your torta

That’s why Jonas and I

Will ALWAYS smash tortas

(CHORUS - Cuhmeelo and Jonas)

We love them tortas

Of all different size

At least two eighty

Prefer three fifty-five

We love to hold them

Close to our hearts

They’re warm in the winter

And fill your shopping carts

(OUTRO - Jonas)

Te queremos mucho, tortas

We’re the new Bash Brothers

She ain’t a lady if she ain’t two eighty

Hot Cheetos for life

We love you, you big ol tortas

(Instrumental fade out)

(End)