I know

I know I hurt you and I hate myself because of it. I truly do love you if I didn’t I wouldn’t have cried for 2 almost 3 days straight. I have never fell this hard for anyone and it scares me. I’m scared that I’m going to fuck everything up like I already did. I know things aren’t going to be the same. I don’t deserve you at all. You deserve so much better. Someone who’s not like me. I love you with everything in me. I know I might not show it sometimes but I really do. I still get those butterflies in my stomach when you touch me. I fold like a piece of paper when you come up behind me and just kiss my neck. I get really bad anxiety when you take forever to respond to me or when I can’t see your location to make sure you’re okay. A wise man once said love is like a drug. The love you show me is a drug to me. It hurts me when I know you aren’t okay. I wanna do better for myself but also for you. I couldn’t imagine seeing you with someone else. I’m never going to give up on you. I’m going to sit here and learn how to be better for you and learn how to love you how you should be loved. I lay awake and just think to myself how I could be better for you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You deserve the absolute world. You deserve someone who’s gonna treat you like a queen/king that you are. You’re touch is so gentle. Being with you and spending time with you is my favorite thing to do even when we are just sitting there doing nothing. Trying to keep my hands off you is hard. I don’t know if you have noticed but I have to be touching you or my brain and my body freak out and I get anxiety like no other. It may not seem like I have anxiety but I do really bad when it comes to you. I’ve never felt this way about someone. I overthink a lot when I feel like I did something wrong. I don’t want you for your body or for sex I want you for you. I wanna learn everything about you but for some reason when I’m with you I go mute. It’s like my brain tells me how to talk to you but I don’t know how to. I don’t know what’s going to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you again and I’m going to do everything in my power to not hurt you even if you don’t want anything with me anymore. We say that we are better off as friends but we both know that we can’t be just friends. I don’t want to be just fuck buddies. I want to sit down and learn how to be good for you and treat you right. I want to know everything about you. I get a really sharp pain in my chest when I feel like I did something wrong to upset you or make you mad. I love when we are in the car and you just put your hand on my thigh or when you just lean over and say you want a kiss. The hand written letters you right me mean everything to me. I’ve never felt uncomfortable with you. Showing you the goofy side of me scared me. Sometimes I’m scared to be myself around you. If you ask why I really don’t know it just scares me. I’m scared of a lot of things being with you. But you make me feel comfortable