I used to think if I loved hard enough
Nobody would leave
If I answered every midnight call
Maybe they’d stay with me
So I learned how to bend myself
Into what everybody needs
A shoulder, a smile, a safe place to land
While nobody noticed me
And somewhere along the way
I stopped knowing who I am
Cause every version of myself
Was built by someone else’s hands
And maybe that’s the problem
Maybe I disappear
Every time I try to save somebody
Just to keep them here
Why me?
Why do I give my whole heart away
Just to watch people break it and walk away?
Why does loving everyone else
Always leave me alone?
I’m so tired
Of being strong enough for everybody’s pain
While mine gets buried underneath the weight
Tell me what’s so wrong with me
That I’m never enough to make somebody stay
Sometimes I swear
Maybe I deserve it anyway
You looked me in the eyes and swore
“You’ll never have to fear that here”
But every promise turns to smoke
The second people disappear
You said you’d never lie to me
Never make me feel this small
Funny how the deepest cuts
Come from the ones who swore “not at all”
Now every “I would never”
Sounds rehearsed inside my head
Cause every time I trust somebody
Another piece of me goes dead
And I hate what it’s doing to me
How my heart flinches first
How I question every kindness
Before I let it work
Cause I used to believe people
Back when love felt safe and true
Now I memorize escape routes
Before I even get attached to you
Why me?
Why do the ones who promise forever
Always become the reason I trust less than ever?
Why does every “I’ll never hurt you”
Turn into something I survive?
I’m exhausted
From rebuilding walls I never wanted in my life
Trying to protect the little hope I have inside
Cause every broken promise leaves
Another scar behind
And every time I heal
Someone reminds me why I hide
I laugh too loud when I’m hurting bad
I say “I’m fine” on cue
I carry everybody else’s storms
While mine leak through the roof
And maybe I’m angry
Cause I know I’d never do
Half the things that have been done to me
By people I stayed loyal to
I would’ve moved mountains
For the ones who barely moved
And somehow I’m still sitting here
Wondering what I did to lose
But somewhere underneath the wreckage
There’s a girl still begging to be found
The one before the heartbreak
The one before she learned to drown
And maybe she still matters
Maybe she’s worth saving too
Maybe the person I keep searching for
Was never them…
Maybe it was always me
Why me?
Maybe the question isn’t mine to hold
Maybe some people just don’t know
How to love somebody who gives them gold
And maybe being soft
In a world that turns cruel
Doesn’t make me weak
Doesn’t make me a fool
I’m still here
Even shattered hearts still beat
And maybe one day
I’ll finally believe
That I was never hard to love
They just didn’t know how to love me
And maybe someday
That’ll stop feeling like my fault anymore.
