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Lyrics
Lord, I think I understand now.
I think I finally see
What all these years of losing people
Were supposed to teach to me.
I kept thinking, maybe not them.
Maybe somebody else will stay.
Maybe every door that closed
Was only moving me along the way.
My mother didn't choose me.
My father didn't keep me safe.
People I loved kept disappearing,
And still I somehow kept the faith
That none of it was saying
What I was terrified it meant.
I thought someday there'd be one person
Who would stay when others went.
I understand now.
I kept thinking I was waiting.
I kept thinking he would come.
That somewhere there was one man
I'd finally get to call my own.
I thought he'd look at me and know me,
And still be glad that I was his.
I thought after all that leaving
I would learn what choosing is.
Lord, I was so sure.
And every time somebody left,
I told myself, Not this time... Okay...
This isn't proof that no one wants me.... Right?
This isn't all there is?
Maybe not my mother.
Maybe not my father.
Maybe not the rejection?
Maybe not foolish or broken...?
... The ones who didn't stay.
But surely one day someone would love me
And willingly choose me anyway?
I don't think that anymore.
No.
No more...
All these years...
I kept refusing what was clear?
What you were trying to teach me, Lord.
I just didn't want to hear
It hurt to believe... But I do now.
One after the other... You don't have to tell me anymore I believe...
That some lives don't become the story
They imagined as a child.
Some women don't become somebody's love...
Some hearts have to live without.
You were telling me I had to live without...
I get the message now...
I'll stop asking You for him.
I'll stop wondering where he is
I'll stop saving little pieces of myself for someone's hands...
Where my heart never belonged.
I'll stop thinking every lonely year is for a reason.
It's not.
Because now I understand...
I'm not worth being chosen like that...
To him...
To anyone...
What my life has taught.
I thought if I stayed soft and kept loving,
If I made it through somehow,
Thought if I spoke just right...
Proved I loved deep... But...
Lord, I know better now.
And that is what is killing me.
Because I wanted ordinary things.
A hand for mine.
Someone glad to come home.
A life built next to his life.
I wanted to hear my name
In the voice of someone who stayed.
I wanted to know what it was like
To be the woman somebody chose every day.
I wanted to be a wife.
I wanted one person
Who wouldn't leave.
Just one.
But I was naive.
I thought You might have made someone
Who would look at me and think,
That one... Her.
That's the one I want.
But I understand now.
I'll stop asking.
I'll stop.
Even though I don't know
What to do with all this love.
Even though saying goodbye to that future
Feels like giving up the only dream
That ever carried me though this evil life...
Hateful life...
Cruel lonely life...
I understand what You're teaching me.
I just don't know
How to live without him yet...
Details
GeneratedSep 5, 2026
Duration6:27
LanguageEnglish
Style
Bare piano Christian lament, fragile female vocal, slow strings, intimate and devastating, no hopeful resolution.
Credits
Prompt by
InputSound438
InputSound438ModelAria v5.5
