You smiled the way the winter smiles… Beautiful without the sun. You learned the language of careful knives, never loud enough to make me run. You never broke a single bone, you broke the mirror in my mind. Every question became my fault. Every answer left me blind.
You called it love when you erased me. You called it peace when I stayed silent. Somewhere between those words… I disappeared.
You never had to raise your voice. You only had to raise your doubt. You made me fear every word before it left my mouth. Every scar you left is invisible, so everyone says, “He seems so kind…” Love shouldn’t make me disappear. Tell me… how do you bury someone without ever touching them? Love shouldn’t make me disappear.
You rewrote memories while I was awake. You borrowed my eyes until I couldn’t see. You wore my confidence like someone else’s skin, then asked, “What happened to the girl you used to be?” Friends became strangers. Home became weather. Love became something I had to earn. I kept chasing the first version of you while you kept becoming someone colder.
Was I difficult… or were you just louder? Was I broken… or did you need me to believe I was? You wear a martyr’s crown like Heaven owes you something. Always searching for another tragedy… another reason to polish that crown.
You said, “God is testing me.” No. You’re testing me. You called your cruelty discipline. My silence became respect. My fear became honor. Until one day… you expected me to call it love.
IF YOU WANTED TO BE JOB!!
THEN SAY IT!
STOP SACRIFICING EVERYONE!
JUST TO PROVE YOUR SUFFERING IS HOLY…
LET ME GO!
I’M NOT YOUR CROSS TO CARRY!
RELEASE ME….!!
YOU NEEDED ME TO BLEED SO YOU COULD WEAR YOUR MARTYR’S CROWN!!!
You built an altar from your grief and laid my childhood on the stone. Every wound became another sermon. Every tear another testimony that only you had suffered. You count everything you’ve lost, never seeing what remained. I’m not your burden. I’m not proof that God abandoned you. I’m not the blessing you resent because I survived you. Stop trying to make me the last thing you have left to lose.
Thirty years… and I still ask permission before I exist. I carry guilt that was never mine. I carry shame stitched beneath my skin. These chains were always yours. I just carried them long enough to mistake them for my own. Love shouldn’t make me disappear… But every day… there’s a little less of me.
Everknown_
