Why am I not me

Well I ain't never been a pill popping job dropping livestopping boat rocketfish flopping we find it individual

Was made as a young to attend church but never considered myself religious more and more each day I'm starting to realize I'm most definitely spiritual

Ever since I can't remember being a knee high I've always felt and seen things no one else can see s*** I couldn't explain everyone that I ever told looked at me like I was insane made me feel alone so I stopped telling anybody and didn't need anybody making me feel more secluded than I already did didn't need anybody speaking sideways on my name made me feel ashamed like there was something wrong with my brain like I was in lame. So I stayed in the f****** My own Lane but I can't shake these demons and ghosts to me this ain't a f****** game I feel sometimes like I'm not in control of my own thoughts I'm a puppy stuck on the end of the string of endless confusion with no conclusion.

I look into the sky falling down to my knees asking God to help me please help me God please deliver me free of my enemies nothing but silence followed by misery

I asked myself why are you ignoring me these demons are real they're inside of me I can finally see what you tried to show me I'm my own worst enemy.

I need to end this war this battle within because the type of fight no one will win my life is draped in sin where do I begin where does this all end I never want to feel this way again so you can turn up the accusations of your own actions and put the blame on me I will take ownership of what I've done and things I've said when I was hurt and angry

But you won't feel anything about the things that you do so easily done that hurt me so viciously no accountability starts to make things worse makes me wish I had no feelings at all makes me think that's just the way I need to be so I don't let emotions contribute to my downfall hatred is such an energy killer and that's no way to live not having anybody to call when things get tough now I don't confide in no one because I'm the only one who's going to help me stand tall I hate my brain and I used to love my heart but now my brain there's always right now my heart is the worst thing and always leading me to situations I don't want to be why am I so lost why can't I get it together it's like every time I try to answer that I go blank and Frozen I just want to be me but who is he where am I how did we get so lost in this world when we, you ,I ,used to be so happy. Every time I stand up and have a plan I get to execute for the better of My Life The devil shows up in convinces me otherwise like it's not my time and I believe him so easily please God help me I want to be Free of my evil thoughts every decision I make lately has only brought lessons I've already been taught please Lord deliver me away from the voices choices and decisions that demons felt comfortable enough to infest my life these things I've seen aren't supposed to be able.