Cycles

Mindsets plagued and generationaly cursed

The only way we leave aways in a Hurst

LIke Ain't no fucking way we were birthed

From mothers who ain't know what they worth

So they threw it all away at the first escape

Couldn't wait to leave till after first grade?

Till after I learn to write more than my first name

Well that was just the first heart break

Then you'd come back just to part ways

Like leave it your all or leave it alone

Ain't felt at home since I was young

Mom dealt with the same with her pops

And even today it goes on ......you left, i was a kid, still playing with sticks, never thought much about it, or about you, but i never knew the impact of a father on a childs life until i got older. had to learn alot, so much shit on my own, how the fuck do you change a tire? how do i shave my face, how do i pick up the ladies?

cuz of you confidence I displaced

But I guess now you do know about the CPS case.

I understand how we can learn from any event

I understand how some things are just

Circumstance

But understanding don't heal the scars

No void filled when you're looking at stars

Are you proud of who I became

if things were different,would I be the same

Taught myself to tie my shoes,loopty loop and pull

Learned to drive from friends in high school

While you were out there living your truth

I was growing up, missing my youth

Circumstance, yeah that's what you call it

But I call it choices, the way that you solved it

Running away when the pressure got heavy

Left me and mom, we weren't even ready

To pick up the pieces you left on the floor

Now I'm afraid to walk through that door

The one that leads to love, to trust, to more

Cuz what if I end up like you at my core?

But I'm breaking these chains, I'm changing the game

Won't let your absence define my name

Every day I choose to stay, to fight, to grow

Even when the pain cuts deep, even when it shows

Cuz someone's gotta break this cycle of hurt

Someone's gotta prove that we're more than our worth

And maybe,just maybe,you were hurting too

Maybe you were lost,didn't know what to do

With a son who needed more than you could give

Maybe you were scared of how to really live

As a father,as a man,as someone who stays

Maybe you were running from your own dark ways

I see you now, not just the ghost who left

But a broken man, of his own childhood bereft

You probably learned from your father's mistakes

By making different ones, whatever it takes

To survive, to cope, to make it through

And I'm starting to understand that pain in you

So I'm writing this story with different ink

Standing at the edge, refusing to sink

Into the pattern, the curse, the blame

I'm healing the wounds that came with your name

Circumstance brought us here, that's true

But love can carry us further than fear ever knew

I forgive you, pops, for the man you couldn't be

I forgive myself for the anger in me