Mindsets plagued and generationaly cursed
The only way we leave aways in a Hurst
LIke Ain't no fucking way we were birthed
From mothers who ain't know what they worth
So they threw it all away at the first escape
Couldn't wait to leave till after first grade?
Till after I learn to write more than my first name
Well that was just the first heart break
Then you'd come back just to part ways
Like leave it your all or leave it alone
Ain't felt at home since I was young
Mom dealt with the same with her pops
And even today it goes on ......you left, i was a kid, still playing with sticks, never thought much about it, or about you, but i never knew the impact of a father on a childs life until i got older. had to learn alot, so much shit on my own, how the fuck do you change a tire? how do i shave my face, how do i pick up the ladies?
cuz of you confidence I displaced
But I guess now you do know about the CPS case.
I understand how we can learn from any event
I understand how some things are just
Circumstance
But understanding don't heal the scars
No void filled when you're looking at stars
Are you proud of who I became
if things were different,would I be the same
Taught myself to tie my shoes,loopty loop and pull
Learned to drive from friends in high school
While you were out there living your truth
I was growing up, missing my youth
Circumstance, yeah that's what you call it
But I call it choices, the way that you solved it
Running away when the pressure got heavy
Left me and mom, we weren't even ready
To pick up the pieces you left on the floor
Now I'm afraid to walk through that door
The one that leads to love, to trust, to more
Cuz what if I end up like you at my core?
But I'm breaking these chains, I'm changing the game
Won't let your absence define my name
Every day I choose to stay, to fight, to grow
Even when the pain cuts deep, even when it shows
Cuz someone's gotta break this cycle of hurt
Someone's gotta prove that we're more than our worth
And maybe,just maybe,you were hurting too
Maybe you were lost,didn't know what to do
With a son who needed more than you could give
Maybe you were scared of how to really live
As a father,as a man,as someone who stays
Maybe you were running from your own dark ways
I see you now, not just the ghost who left
But a broken man, of his own childhood bereft
You probably learned from your father's mistakes
By making different ones, whatever it takes
To survive, to cope, to make it through
And I'm starting to understand that pain in you
So I'm writing this story with different ink
Standing at the edge, refusing to sink
Into the pattern, the curse, the blame
I'm healing the wounds that came with your name
Circumstance brought us here, that's true
But love can carry us further than fear ever knew
I forgive you, pops, for the man you couldn't be
I forgive myself for the anger in me