(Courtroom ambience: murmuring, gavel banging)
[Judge]:
BANG! BANG!
Order in the court!
Mr. [Your Name], you are charged with:
• Excessive heartbreak energy
• Toxic behavior in the first degree
• And an unhealthy obsession with saying F‑T‑B.
How do you plead?
⸻
[You]:
Your honor… innocent!
I’m not toxic… I’m branded.
Let me explain…
⸻
[Judge]:
Hmph. Explain yourself before I sentence you to social media cancellation.
⸻
[You]:
See, everybody think FTB just mean “Fuck That Bitch”.
But it’s deeper than that… it’s a lifestyle.
• Flex Then Bounce – that’s motivation, not hate.
• For The Bag – that’s hustling, not heartbreak.
• Feed The Beast – that’s self‑improvement, your honor.
• Forget That Bond – that’s healing, not toxic!
• Flaunt The Brand – that’s just good marketing.
FTB ain’t a crime… it’s self‑care.
⸻
[Judge]:
Hmm… self‑care, you say?
What about the 74 text messages at 3 AM saying “FTB” with flame emojis?
⸻
[You]:
Your honor…
That was “F* The Blues.”**
I was just fighting depression!
⸻
(Courtroom gasps. The jury murmurs.)
⸻
[Judge]:
This is highly irregular…
But after reviewing all these alternative meanings of FTB…
I hereby find the defendant…
NOT GUILTY!
(Gavel bang. Crowd cheers. Bailiff whispers “FTB…”)
⸻
[You]: (walking out the courtroom, ad‑libbing)
FTB, baby… For The Brand.
(Skit fades out with courtroom ambience and a faint “FTB… FTB…” chant like a crowd)