The Trial of FTB

(Courtroom ambience: murmuring, gavel banging)

[Judge]:

BANG! BANG!

Order in the court!

Mr. [Your Name], you are charged with:

• Excessive heartbreak energy

• Toxic behavior in the first degree

• And an unhealthy obsession with saying F‑T‑B.

How do you plead?

⸻

[You]:

Your honor… innocent!

I’m not toxic… I’m branded.

Let me explain…

⸻

[Judge]:

Hmph. Explain yourself before I sentence you to social media cancellation.

⸻

[You]:

See, everybody think FTB just mean “Fuck That Bitch”.

But it’s deeper than that… it’s a lifestyle.

• Flex Then Bounce – that’s motivation, not hate.

• For The Bag – that’s hustling, not heartbreak.

• Feed The Beast – that’s self‑improvement, your honor.

• Forget That Bond – that’s healing, not toxic!

• Flaunt The Brand – that’s just good marketing.

FTB ain’t a crime… it’s self‑care.

⸻

[Judge]:

Hmm… self‑care, you say?

What about the 74 text messages at 3 AM saying “FTB” with flame emojis?

⸻

[You]:

Your honor…

That was “F* The Blues.”**

I was just fighting depression!

⸻

(Courtroom gasps. The jury murmurs.)

⸻

[Judge]:

This is highly irregular…

But after reviewing all these alternative meanings of FTB…

I hereby find the defendant…

NOT GUILTY!

(Gavel bang. Crowd cheers. Bailiff whispers “FTB…”)

⸻

[You]: (walking out the courtroom, ad‑libbing)

FTB, baby… For The Brand.

(Skit fades out with courtroom ambience and a faint “FTB… FTB…” chant like a crowd)