Finding Me

I used to think love looked like staying

No matter what they put me through

Giving grace when I was breaking

Finding reasons that excuse the truth

I was the house with the porch light on

Middle of the night, come on in

I'd help you carry all your demons

Then help you find your feet again

But somewhere in all that saving

I forgot to save myself

Maybe I filled my life with all the wrong people

Built my home on promises they couldn't keep

Opened every door, gave away the keys

And wondered why there wasn't anything left of me

I called it loyalty

When I should've called it pain

Called it understanding

While I was standing in the rain

Maybe the lesson wasn't losing them

Maybe it's finally choosing me

One came to me with tears and bruises

Swore this time she'd really leave

Then disappeared without a warning

Like I was something she'd outgrown, not something she'd need

One taught me that being seen

Can feel like sunlight on your skin

And maybe we crossed a line or two

But God, it felt good being understood by him

Now everybody's got a story

About who was wrong and who was right

But all I know is I got tired

Of fighting battles that weren't mine

Maybe I filled my life with all the wrong people

Built my home on promises they couldn't keep

Opened every door, gave away the keys

And wondered why there wasn't anything left of me

I called it loyalty

When I should've called it pain

Called it understanding

While I was standing in the rain

Maybe the lesson wasn't losing them

Maybe it's finally choosing me

I don't hate them

I don't need revenge

I don't need a villain

To explain how this ends

Some people are seasons

Some people are scars

Some people are mirrors

Showing you who you are

And maybe that's the hardest truth

After all these years

Not everybody I loved

Was meant to stay here

Maybe I filled my life with people who were hurting

People just as lost and broken as me

Maybe we were all just trying

To find what we couldn't be

But I'm done mistaking history for home

Done begging to belong

If peace is what I've been missing

Then peace is where I'm going

And if closing the door

Is what sets me free

Then maybe losing them

Was finding me