Taking up space

I don’t even know what I feel

That’s the part that’s scaring me

One minute I’m fucking furious

The next I don’t feel anything

I’ve replayed it twenty thousand times

Still don’t know what to believe

How can somebody be a stranger

When they’re tangled in your memories?

I don’t miss you

I miss the peace before I knew

So why the fuck are you taking up space?

Rent-free in a mind that wants you erased

I don’t want answers

I don’t want your name

I just want one fucking day

Where you don’t show up in my brain

You’re in the silence

You’re in the noise

You’re in the memories I can’t destroy

And I hate that after everything

You still take up space

Everyone thinks healing’s linear

Like you wake up and you’re okay

Nobody talks about the moments

When the past walks back your way

I wasn’t waiting for a message

Wasn’t waiting for a sign

Then suddenly you’re everywhere

In every corner of my mind

And I don’t know if I’m grieving

Or just angry I was wrong

So why the fuck are you taking up space?

Rent-free in a mind that wants you erased

I don’t want closure

I don’t want revenge

I just want to stop carrying this shit

Everywhere I fucking am

I wish I could hate you cleanly

I wish I could hate you whole

Instead I’m stuck between missing someone

And knowing they never existed at all

And that’s the part nobody warns you about

The empty feeling

The nothing feeling

The everything feeling

At the same damn time

So take your ghost

Take your mask

Take every question I still ask

I’m tired of giving pieces of myself

To somebody who doesn’t deserve them

I don’t want you back

I just want my head back.