There’s a mirror that speaks to me softly
says things I don’t know if they’re true
every day I make myself smaller
just to feel a little more whole
I’m hungry for control, not for food
I’m scared even of the air that I breathe
I count my steps, not the weeks
and I get lost while trying to disappear
Everyone says “you’re strong, you’ll be fine”
but they don’t hear the sound it makes
this silent war inside of me
It’s not beauty, it’s not freedom
it’s a cage that knows my name
it’s a voice that breaks you slowly
and convinces you that pain is normal
But I’m not just a number, no
I’m not the emptiness I wear
there’s a light even if I can’t see it now
even if I shake, even if I’m scared
They tell me “just eat”, like it’s easy
like my heart doesn’t panic inside
every bite is a fragile promise
between wanting to live and wanting to fade
I smile hard so I don’t show the weight
of what’s quietly tearing me down
I’m good at looking okay
but inside I fall apart every day
And I feel guilty when I feel better
like healing would be a betrayal
to this part of me that screams
It’s not beauty, it’s not freedom
it’s a cage that knows my name
it’s a voice that breaks you slowly
and convinces you that pain is normal
But I’m not just a number, no
I’m not the emptiness I wear
there’s a light even if I can’t see it now
even if I shake, even if I’m scared
If I could talk to my younger self
I’d say: “You don’t have to disappear
you don’t have to become smaller
to deserve to exist”
The body is not the enemy
it’s a home that feels cold
and is just asking to be heard
One day I asked for help quietly
with a voice that almost wouldn’t come out
and someone held my hand
without asking me to be different
It’s one step forward, two steps back
but every step is still resistance
falling is not weakness
staying is courage
It’s not beauty, it’s not freedom
now I know it, I can say it out loud
I won’t be half a prisoner anymore
of a life lived without light
I’m not just a number, no
I’m heartbeat, breath, possibility
and even if the road is scary
I choose to stay
If you see yourself in this song
know that you’re not alone, ever
even the darkness has an end
and you deserve to live,
not just survive.
Mirco
