How my mind works

This is how my mind works , I’m fighting depression don’t matter how hard I try to avoid it I can’t it’s part of me now when people ask me if I’m good or ok I’ll tell you one thing but my mind wants to tell the truth an say I’m not there’s always a part of me that wants an knows I can do better I do things that I know ain’t right telling myself I’m gonna stop but does not do any  good I wanna be better my goal is to make the ones who love me proud especially my parents an children if they seen what I see in the mirror they would be disappointed I disappoint myself I don’t know why I try to help others I can’t even help myself having a big heart feels like a curse 90% of the time taken advantage of I keep things bottled in cause I don’t like to tell or show my feelings I have many regrets that constantly run through my mind I hate to be disliked I try to treat people the way I would want to be treated yet I’ve hurt an been hurt by the ones I’ve loved turn back the hands of time is an understatement to me I’d give my last breath to each an every one of my children I’m so close to them but so far away cause of the fear of disappointment would just put me in a darker place the biggest fear in my life is losing my mother when that time comes it will be the darkest day of my life if I can even survive that I’d never find myself I’d surely be lost yes I’m an over thinker also a curse everything ! Running through my head 100 different directions really sucks maybe there is something wrong with me but it’s who I am ! If I post reels or pics about depression it’s because I’m depressed I’m not crying I don’t need attention it’s how I vent not to mention it would help or should I say does help when a real friend reaches out depression ain’t fun I didn’t ask for it but lately it’s been apart of me an I slowly overcoming it it’s overwhelming sometimes so again I’m not crying I’m venting… that’s who I am an how I do it !

pop