Woke Olympics

(Verse 1)

Welcome to the Woke Olympics, sign in with a tweet

Got a sticker on my laptop sayin’ “CANCEL ME, PLEASE”

I compost my feelings, recycle my rage

And I whisper “problematic” when I turn the page

Barista knows my latte by my 12-word name

I get triggered by Monopoly — that game is so lame

I wrote a Yelp review on my emotional state

“One star — too many cis dudes on my plate”

(Chorus)

Woke it up, turn it down, vibe check in the room

If you ain’t read Foucault, you get hit with a broom

Gotta fact-check jokes, gotta cite your memes

And I audit every movie for subconscious themes

(Verse 2)

I get mad online, then I take a nap

’Cause self-care matters when you’re setting a trap

For the next big brand that says something wrong

I been boycotting Starbucks for, like, eight years long

I only watch shows that have six leads minimum

One for every label, and a dolphin, just for cinnamon

Call me performative, I call it a flex

Got a protest schedule right next to my ex

(Bridge)

I don’t argue, I “educate kindly”

Except when I don’t — then it’s “BLOCKED” timely

I got a safe space app and a sarcasm filter

And a hoodie that says “Eat the rich… but chiller”

(Chorus)

Woke it up, turn it down, vibe check in the room

If you ain’t read bell hooks, you get hit with a broom

Gotta mansplain less, gotta tweet more clean

And I cancel my own takes by age seventeen

(Outro)

So light a scented candle for the discourse today

And remember: no clapping — that’s aggressive, okay?

We’re all just vibin’, slightly confused

In the Woke Olympics — everyone gets booed! (Verse 3)

I got a bookshelf full of books I’ve never read

But they match my aesthetic and that’s street cred

I wear vintage tees with ironic flair

But I’ll cancel your grandpa for his old armchair

Every post I make is a minor event

“Look, I called out a plant for cultural dissent”

Yeah, my avocado toast is politically charged

And I march for the bees in my front yard

(Verse 4)

I went gluten-free for identity growth

But I still drink kombucha like I’m takin’ an oath

My podcast is 10 hours, all hot takes

About cartoons from the ’90s and systemic flakes

I dress like I thrifted my dissertation

And I clap back with zero hesitation

I say “late-stage capitalism” once per meal

Even when I’m just eating a Happy Meal

(Bridge 2)

I won’t ghost you, I’ll “emotionally exit”

With a subtweet thread and a link to my next hit

Don’t say “crazy,” that’s neurodivergent

And don’t call me “extra,” I’m just emergent

I got a tote bag full of justice snacks

And I fact-check vibes like I’m payin’ tax

My playlist slaps, it’s all niche-core

Songs you can only hear through a trap door

(Chorus)

Woke it up, turn it down, vibe check in the room

If you ain’t read bell hooks, you get hit with a broom

Gotta decolonize brunch, gotta neutralize fame

And I Venmo my therapist just to play the game

(Verse 5)

I host book clubs for my inner child

And I rage against straws — plastic? Exiled.

My birth chart’s framed above my degree

And my safe word