(Verse 1)
Welcome to the Woke Olympics, sign in with a tweet
Got a sticker on my laptop sayin’ “CANCEL ME, PLEASE”
I compost my feelings, recycle my rage
And I whisper “problematic” when I turn the page
Barista knows my latte by my 12-word name
I get triggered by Monopoly — that game is so lame
I wrote a Yelp review on my emotional state
“One star — too many cis dudes on my plate”
(Chorus)
Woke it up, turn it down, vibe check in the room
If you ain’t read Foucault, you get hit with a broom
Gotta fact-check jokes, gotta cite your memes
And I audit every movie for subconscious themes
(Verse 2)
I get mad online, then I take a nap
’Cause self-care matters when you’re setting a trap
For the next big brand that says something wrong
I been boycotting Starbucks for, like, eight years long
I only watch shows that have six leads minimum
One for every label, and a dolphin, just for cinnamon
Call me performative, I call it a flex
Got a protest schedule right next to my ex
(Bridge)
I don’t argue, I “educate kindly”
Except when I don’t — then it’s “BLOCKED” timely
I got a safe space app and a sarcasm filter
And a hoodie that says “Eat the rich… but chiller”
(Chorus)
Woke it up, turn it down, vibe check in the room
If you ain’t read bell hooks, you get hit with a broom
Gotta mansplain less, gotta tweet more clean
And I cancel my own takes by age seventeen
(Outro)
So light a scented candle for the discourse today
And remember: no clapping — that’s aggressive, okay?
We’re all just vibin’, slightly confused
In the Woke Olympics — everyone gets booed! (Verse 3)
I got a bookshelf full of books I’ve never read
But they match my aesthetic and that’s street cred
I wear vintage tees with ironic flair
But I’ll cancel your grandpa for his old armchair
Every post I make is a minor event
“Look, I called out a plant for cultural dissent”
Yeah, my avocado toast is politically charged
And I march for the bees in my front yard
(Verse 4)
I went gluten-free for identity growth
But I still drink kombucha like I’m takin’ an oath
My podcast is 10 hours, all hot takes
About cartoons from the ’90s and systemic flakes
I dress like I thrifted my dissertation
And I clap back with zero hesitation
I say “late-stage capitalism” once per meal
Even when I’m just eating a Happy Meal
(Bridge 2)
I won’t ghost you, I’ll “emotionally exit”
With a subtweet thread and a link to my next hit
Don’t say “crazy,” that’s neurodivergent
And don’t call me “extra,” I’m just emergent
I got a tote bag full of justice snacks
And I fact-check vibes like I’m payin’ tax
My playlist slaps, it’s all niche-core
Songs you can only hear through a trap door
(Chorus)
Woke it up, turn it down, vibe check in the room
If you ain’t read bell hooks, you get hit with a broom
Gotta decolonize brunch, gotta neutralize fame
And I Venmo my therapist just to play the game
(Verse 5)
I host book clubs for my inner child
And I rage against straws — plastic? Exiled.
My birth chart’s framed above my degree
And my safe word