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The closest Trump ever got to battle was his fight with Rosie O’Donnell.” —Donald Trump had a meltdown about what a great temperament he has. It was like watching someone carve ‘I’m not a psycho’ into theiTrump had medical deferment. He had inter-rectum cranial inversion — which means his head is up his ass.” —Jay Leno on Trump avoiding military service in VietnamYou started your campaign by accusing Mexicans of being rapists. Now you’re on tape explaining how you sexually assault women. The only way you could be more hypocritical is if you said it inObviously, Trump didn’t invent racism. If he had, it would have gone bankrupt FAFO": Trump has embraced the internet slang acronym "F-ck Around, Find Out," even sharing AI-generated imagery of himself with the slogan on Trump is unstoppable. He’s like Godzilla with less foreign-policyAt this point, Trump is the political equivalent of a phone-sex operator. He’s just whispering whatever dirty little racist fantasies Republicans want to hear.” —The Boston Globe just reported that, according to his campaign staff, Donald Trump wouldn’t take any vacations as president. I think that’s because he has offended so many other countries he can’t leave thisThat’s what [Trump] is best at: putting a bow on a turd, marking up the price, and selling it so hard you want it even though you know it’s just a turd with a bow on it. America is that turd! It’s time to let Donald Trump come in, put some gold leaf on the border and marble columns around Florida, throw up his name in big lights over the Midwest, and sell this whole thing to the Chinese before they realize it’s half-broken. This is what I’ve been waiting for my whole life: a president who’s not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying asshole.” —