My Head's on Backwards

There’s a coffee cup still sitting by the sink

From the night you left in tears and I couldn’t fucking think

And I swear your ghost still walks around this house at night

In every little sound, in every flickering light

I keep your name like a bruise under my tongue

Some wounds don’t heal right no matter how damn young

I tried to drown you out with strangers and smoke

But every laugh feels empty now, every promise feels broke

And everybody says

“Give it time, give it time”

Like time’s ever fixed a thing that’s still alive

'Cause you’re not gone to me

Not really

You’re just too far away to touch

And that somehow hurts so much worse

My head’s on backwards since you’ve been gone

Every road leads nowhere now I’m driving alone

And I still hear your voice when the city goes quiet

Still feel your hands on me when I’m trying not to fight it

Fuck, I miss you

In ways that don’t get better with sleep

I miss who I was when your heart was still mine to keep

And if you still love me

Like I know you do

Then tell me how the hell

I’m supposed to survive missing you

I stopped playing our songs for a couple months

But silence got so loud it started fucking me up

Now I let them bleed through every room in this place

Like maybe if I suffer enough you’ll come back someday

And your sweater’s still hanging off the bedroom chair

I tell myself to move it but I leave it there

Because losing you slowly feels easier somehow

Than waking up one morning and admitting you’re gone now

I still talk to you

When I’m drunk

Like your number’s one bad decision away

From fixing everything

And maybe that’s pathetic

Maybe I’m insane

But loving you this deeply rewired my fucking brain

My head’s on backwards since you’ve been gone

Every night’s just another little war to hold on

And I still trace your name through the fog on the window

Like somewhere you can feel me when the cold wind blows

God, I miss you

Like missing air underwater

Like every version of my life collapsed into each other

And if you still love me

Like your eyes used to do

Then tell me why the hell

We’re still living like we’ve got something left to lose

I’d crawl through broken glass just to hear you laugh again

I’d burn every future I built after you ended

Because none of it means shit if you’re not there too

And people keep saying

“You’ll find somebody else”

But they don’t fucking get it

I don’t want somebody else

I want you

Your tired eyes

Your cold hands

Your midnight crying

Your chaos

Your voice breaking when you said my name softly

I want every ruined piece of us back

My head’s on backwards and my heart won’t shut up

Every memory cuts deeper when the night shows up

And I’d give every goddamn thing just to hold you again

Even for a moment

Even knowing this still ends

Because I still love you

More than my own damn pride

More than sleep

More than breathing

More than trying to survive

And if you’re out there somewhere

Missing me too