Hey little man, I’m back again
I don’t know what to say but feel the need to
Try to speak anyway
At 19 everything you thought you knew would change. Your brother, John, will move away. He became a marine and left you here to stay.
Or rather, you left him. You chose to stay and for all your days you’ll think “was that a mistake?”
Truthfully I don’t know, I still miss him and am wishin he was here to hang
But since he left things have changed
You enlisted in the army, it’s November you ship out 4 months before may.
And you have a girlfriend you live with, soon to be fiancé
Yep, yall are soon to be engaged
And that scares you, commitments never been your thing.
What if she cheats and loses interest or can’t bear with you being so far away?
Yea man, you’re fucking afraid,
Afraid of every fucking thing.
You’re about to go to the army and what If you’re not good enough? You’re about to get married and what if you’re not good enough? Your family is all supporting you and what if you’re not good enough?
You’re stressed, your heads a mess and you’re depressed yet you’re a man so you don’t know how to address your problems so nonetheless you have to appear ok like you don’t feel use-less
And because of this you’re heads not on straight, you yell at Layla for small things because you’re so overwhelmed you want something to break and it can’t be the wall so why not her faith?
You don’t want the two of you to strain but you’ll push her away if you don’t change the ways you think and learn to cope with the pain.
Oh
Cherish the time you have and the people you’re with
Cause as you get older you don’t know the pain that comes with them being missed
You’d give half your life to revisit all of that time spent
You’ll end up stuck in a cycle of excitement for the future, and nostalgia for the past
I can’t wait to be a soldier but I’d give all my future away if I could just go back
You end up comparing everything you do and the people you meet to how it was way back when
So you can’t enjoy anybody new and the things yall do cause it ain’t the same as way back then
You’ll hate yourself now and look forward to what’s in front
and then look back on who you were and miss who you was cause you hate who you’ve become
Ain’t that a funny thing?
You’d think you’d learn to love who you are as much as future you will
but all you see is a failure and a loser who is constantly afraid still
A degenerate who blocks out emotions because he’s become too scared to feel,
A dumbass who said he wouldn’t miss John that much and then cried in the car once it all became too real
Then cried again and again and again over the same shit he swore wouldn’t break him now you’re breakin and can’t rebuild
Now you’re living a lie of some confident guy whose got jokes and tries to not embarrass himself but you just ain’t that sly
