Berlin, New Jersey: the town that sounds international but somehow still closes emotionally at 8:30 PM.
Berlin is basically what happens when a Wawa parking lot gains municipal status. You tell people you’re from “Berlin” and for half a second they think you’re cultured, then you have to clarify, “No, South Jersey,” and suddenly everyone smells hoagies and mulch.
The town motto should be: “We’re not quite Camden, but don’t get too comfortable.” One resident review literally said there’s “nothing to do,” which feels accurate because Berlin’s nightlife is deciding whether to hit the diner before or after Target.
Berlin has fewer than 8,000 people, yet somehow still has traffic entirely caused by one guy turning left on White Horse Pike.
And the Berlin Mart? That place sounds less like a flea market and more like a side quest. Reddit described it as smelling like “clams and tires,” which is somehow the most South Jersey sentence ever spoken.
The borough used to be called “Long-A-Coming,” which honestly sounds less like a town and more like your uncle explaining why he’s late with the child support.
Berlin residents will swear it’s a “quiet suburban community” while ATVs are apparently reenacting Mad Max at 1 AM through the neighborhood.
The roads flood, the entertainment options are limited, and half the town’s personality is “close enough to Philly.” Yet people still defend it like:
“Hey, crime is lower than average!”
Congratulations, your greatest flex is statistical survivability.
Still, respect to Berlin. It’s got that classic South Jersey energy:
part farmland, part suburb, part “guy selling a carburetor next to fresh mozzarella.”
