Philly Roast

Philadelphia: the only city where “City of Brotherly Love” sounds less like a slogan and more like a threat.

* Philly invented America, then spent the next 250 years yelling at it.

* The cheesesteaks are amazing because they’re the only thing in town that doesn’t argue with you.

* Eagles fans don’t need coffee—they wake up ready to boo someone.

* Crossing the street in Philadelphia isn’t about waiting for the light; it’s about negotiating with drivers who think stop signs are optional.

* The Liberty Bell is cracked, which is fitting because so is everyone’s patience.

* Every Philadelphian will tell you, “Nobody likes us, we don’t care”… then spend 45 minutes explaining why you should like them anyway.

* Philadelphia is the only place where someone calling you “you idiot” might actually be a friendly greeting.

* The city’s biggest tourist attraction is a staircase. Congratulations—you’ve turned cardio into a landmark.

All jokes aside, Philly has incredible history, food, neighborhoods, and fiercely loyal people. The city also has a long-running reputation for passionate—and sometimes notoriously rowdy—sports fans, which is why it’s such an easy target for comedians.