Ranger Roast

The Power Rangers franchise has been running so long it’s basically collecting Social Security.

* Every season starts with, “A new evil threatens Earth!” Bro… where is Earth’s insurance company?

* Angel Grove has been destroyed so many times you’d think Zillow would just mark it as “Do Not Recommend.”

* The Rangers’ greatest superpower is waiting until the monster grows giant before calling the Megazord.

* Zordon’s career advice: “Teenagers with attitude.” HR would’ve shut that recruitment strategy down immediately.

* Rita Repulsa spent 10,000 years trapped in a dumpster… and somehow still had better Wi-Fi than half the villains today.

* The explosions behind the Rangers are doing 90% of the acting.

* Every sixth Ranger shows up acting mysterious for three episodes, then immediately becomes the funniest person on the team.

* The putties have the career lifespan of a paper straw.

* The villains always attack one at a time instead of jumping the Rangers together. That’s not evil—it’s union break scheduling.

* The morph sequence is somehow uninterruptible. The monster just politely waits like, “Go ahead, finish your transformation.”

And the franchise timeline?

“Here’s Mighty Morphin. Then Zeo. Then Turbo. Then In Space. Then Lost Galaxy. Then Lightspeed Rescue. Then Time Force. Then Wild Force…”

At this point, keeping up with Power Rangers lore requires a PhD and a corkboard with red string.

But somehow… no matter how cheesy it gets, hearing “IT’S MORPHIN TIME!” still makes everyone sit up a little straighter.