B&W?

I used to draw the world in colour on my bedroom floor,

Crayons in my shaking hands, but I don’t do that anymore.

Now every mirror talks in static, every smile feels rehearsed,

Like somebody drained the daylight out and left me with the worst.

Black stains underneath my fingernails,

White walls swallowing every sound,

Everybody says I’m healing now,

But silence only drags me down.

You called me clean, you called me fixed,

Just because I learned to hide it.

But ghosts look peaceful in the dark

When nobody stands beside them.

Living in black and white,

No in-between left alive,

Black is the scream in my chest at night,

White is the part that survives.

You painted me white so nobody saw the stains,

But black was the only colour that knew my name.

Now I fade beneath fluorescent lights,

Living in black and white.

White sheets, white pills, white lies through gritted teeth,

“Are you okay?” — I learned to nod instead of speak.

Black hood, black smoke curling from my lungs in winter air,

Trying to disappear so slowly nobody would care.

And every room feels far away,

Like I’m watching life through broken glass,

People touch my shoulders gently

But their hands go straight through my back.

You called me calm, you called me safe,

Cause I stopped explaining pain.

But drowning people don’t look loud

When they’re sinking in the rain.

Living in black and white,

No in-between left alive,

Black is the rage I bury deep inside,

White is the emptiness behind my eyes.

You painted me white so nobody saw the stains,

But black was the only colour that stayed the same.

Now I blur beneath fluorescent lights,

Living in black and white.

Maybe white was never peace,

Maybe black was never death,

Maybe both were just two different ways

To lose myself inch by inch.

Cause black still means I feel something,

And white means there’s nothing left.

Living in black and white,

Trying to convince myself I’m fine,

But every shade I tried to be

Just disappeared with time.

You painted me white so the world stayed comfortable,

While black carried every thought I couldn’t pull apart.

Now the colours bleed together every night,

And I can’t tell which one is keeping me alive.