(Verse 1)
I was seven when the devil
Came breathing through our walls
My mother called me smiling
Like nothing bad at all
She pulled me to her heartbeat
Pressed my face against her chest
Then the gun became the answer
To a question I never guessed
The sound split life in half
And painted brains across the room
I remember choking on her blood
While she collapsed onto my head
Dead weight crushing ribs and shoulders
Warm red soaking through my clothes
I was screaming underneath her
But nobody came home
(Pre-Chorus)
The house turned into hellfire
Every hallway grew teeth
And I swear I heard her whispering
Every night that I couldn’t sleep
(Chorus)
So I pissed in the backyard for four long nights
Too afraid to cross the doorway where her body lies
Flies buzzing through the silence
Rot creeping through the blinds
And the smell of death was living by my side 4 days go by trying to understand why but
I was seven years old couldn’t comprehend with a corpse inside the house
Talking to myself because the walls talked back too loud
And somewhere in my little mind a sickness started growing out:
“If your own mother kills herself while holding you
Then love was never meant for you.”
(Verse 2)
Missionary knocking softly
Like heaven finally found the street
But angels looked like police sirens
And rubber gloves around the sheets
They peeled her body off my memory
Like scraping flesh from broken glass
And every adult face that saw me
Looked away way too fast
Grandpa gave me food and shelter
But he couldn’t hold my ghosts
Couldn’t scrub the crimson fingerprints
Still wrapped around my throat
So I learned to sleep with nightmares
Learned to laugh when I should cry
Learned that everybody leaves you
Some just do it while alive
(Pre-Chorus)
And I still hear that gunshot
Every time the world goes still
Like my childhood stayed trapped forever
Inside that bedroom kill
(Chorus)
I pissed in the backyard for four long nights
While her blood dried black beneath the bedroom light
And every shadow in that house looked just like suicide
I was seven years old trying not to die
And now I wear abandonment like stitches in my skin
Always waiting for the ones I love to end
Cause if the woman who created me could leave me there with death
Then why would anybody else stay to the end?
(Bridge)
Sometimes I still smell iron
When there’s nothing there at all
Sometimes I still see pieces of her
Running down the bedroom wall
Sometimes I think she cursed me
When she chose my lap to go
Like she wanted me to carry
What no child should ever know
(Final Chorus)
Four days with death behind the doorway
Four nights becoming something strange
A little boy rotting beside a memory
Nobody could explain
And people talk about forgiveness
Like scars were made to fade
But some children lose their innocence
The second brains hit their face
(Outro)
I was seven years old
And my mother made me witness
What dying looks like
Up close.
Special_Nobody
