Scar that never healed

Verse 1)

I was seven when the devil

Came breathing through our walls

My mother called me smiling

Like nothing bad at all

She pulled me to her heartbeat

Pressed my face against her chest

Then the gun became the answer

To a question I never guessed

The sound split life in half

And painted brains across the room

I remember choking on her blood

While she collapsed onto my head

Dead weight crushing ribs and shoulders

Warm red soaking through my clothes

I was screaming underneath her

But nobody came home

(Pre-Chorus)

The house turned into hellfire

Every hallway grew teeth

And I swear I heard her whispering

Every night that I couldn’t sleep

(Chorus)

I stayed curled against the hallway for four long nights

Too afraid to cross the doorway where her body lied

Flies buzzing through the silence

Rot creeping through the blinds

And the smell of death was living by my side

Four days go by trying to understand why

I was seven years old couldn’t comprehend

With a corpse inside the house

Talking to myself because the walls talked back too loud

And somewhere in my little mind a sickness started growing out:

“If your own mother kills herself while holding you

Then love was never meant for you.”

(Verse 2)

Missionary knocking softly

Like heaven finally found the street

But angels looked like police sirens

And rubber gloves around the sheets

They peeled her body off my memory

Like scraping flesh from broken glass

And every adult face that saw me

Looked away way too fast

Grandpa gave me food and shelter

But he couldn’t hold my ghosts

Couldn’t scrub the crimson fingerprints

Still wrapped around my throat

So I learned to sleep with nightmares

Learned to laugh when I should cry

Learned that everybody leaves you

Some just do it while alive

(Pre-Chorus)

And I still hear that gunshot

Every time the world goes still

Like my childhood stayed trapped forever

Inside that bedroom kill

(Chorus)

I stayed curled against the hallway for four long nights

Too afraid to cross the doorway where her body lied

Flies buzzing through the silence

Rot creeping through the blinds

And the smell of death was living by my side

I was seven years old trying not to die

And now I wear abandonment like stitches in my skin

Always waiting for the ones I love to end

Cause if the woman who created me could leave me there with death

Then why would anybody else stay to the end?

(Bridge)

Sometimes I still smell iron

When there’s nothing there at all

Sometimes I still see pieces of her

Running down the bedroom wall

Sometimes I think she cursed me

When she chose my lap to go

Like she wanted me to carry

What no child should ever know

(Final Chorus)

Four days with death behind the doorway

Four nights becoming something strange

A little boy rotting beside a memory

Nobody could explain

And people talk about forgiveness

Like scars were made to fade

But some children lose their innocence

The second brains hit their face

(Outro)

I was seven years old

And my mother made me witness

What dying looks like

Up close.