[Verse 1]
I found an old notebook today
Buried underneath my bed
Pages full of careful handwriting
Things I thought I’d do instead
There were timelines in the margins
Little arrows pointing on
Every age had its own version
Of the girl that I’d become
She thought twenty sounded ancient
Thought she’d have it figured out
Thought she’d know what she was doing
Thought she’d never have these doubts
I laughed until I almost cried
[Pre-Chorus]
Because she looked at life
Like a map
And I arrived
Like a storm
[Chorus]
I’m not the girl I promised I’d be
She’s still there in old notebooks
Staring back at me
With her colour-coded confidence
And impossible belief
I’m not the girl I promised I’d be
But neither was she
[Verse 2]
She thought love would make more sense
That people meant the things they said
That every ending had a reason
And every road went somewhere ahead
She thought she’d stop caring
What strangers thought of her
She thought the future got less frightening
The closer that it occurred
She never planned for empty kitchens
For nights she couldn’t sleep
For carrying questions for years
Instead of answers she could keep
She never planned for survival
To feel so ordinary
[Pre-Chorus]
She expected fireworks
Nobody told her
Most of life is learning
How to carry the quiet
[Chorus]
I’m not the girl I promised I’d be
She’s still there in old notebooks
Staring back at me
With her colour-coded confidence
And impossible belief
I’m not the girl I promised I’d be
But neither was she
[Bridge]
Sometimes I want to tell her
You won’t become fearless
You’ll just get better
At being afraid
You’ll lose people
You’ll miss people
You’ll break your own heart
A few different ways
And there’ll be nights
You swear you’ve ruined everything
Then mornings
That prove you wrong
You won’t have the answers
You won’t become somebody else
You’ll just keep going
For longer than you thought
[Instrumental]
[Final Chorus]
I’m not the girl I promised I’d be
The world got bigger
Than the plans I used to keep
And some dreams disappeared
And some survived
And some changed shape completely
I’m not the girl I promised I’d be
The one with perfect certainty
The one who knew exactly
Who she’d grow to be
I’m not the girl I promised I’d be
But I’m still here
Still breathing
Still trying
Still becoming
And maybe that’s enough
[Outro]
I close the notebook carefully
Put it back beneath the bed
And for the first time
I don’t feel sorry
For either of us
Rin
