Rear view Mirror

What kind of man tries

To die in front of his daughter?

I remember watching the rope fall

Like my pain didn’t matter.

You didn’t care I was watching

When you rounded the corner with that pistol,

Left me frozen on the staircase

While you and the cops stood at a standstill.

That doesn’t compare

To riding in the car with some stranger,

Little kid in the front seat

Watching you trade money for a rager.

Hidden in the pocket of my car seat

Was what you held most dear,

Did you make sure you had it all

Before you left me in your rearview mirror?

I grew up too fast in a house full of ghosts

Little girl on the stairs while the sirens got close

You left more than scars when you walked out that door

Now I’m building a life from the pieces you tore

I was just a kid in the front seat alone

While you chased every high that you needed to hold

You gave me your blood but you left me to cope

Now I carry the weight of a house full of ghosts

And every mile you drove just made it clearer

I was fading in your rearview mirror.

For everything you broke

You never apologized once

Because of you I learned to run

When I should’ve learned to trust.

Now I keep everyone out

Bottle pain up inside

‘Cause I’m scared my broken pieces

Might break somebody else’s life.

I’d be lying if I said

Growing up without you was easy

How do I become myself

When my own father couldn’t see me?

I grew up too fast in a house full of ghosts

Little girl on the stairs while the sirens got close

You left more than scars when you walked out that door

Now I’m building a life from the pieces you tore

I was just a kid in the front seat alone

While you chased every high that you needed to hold

You gave me your blood but you left me to cope

Now I carry the weight of a house full of ghosts

And every mile you drove just made it clearer

I was fading in your rearview mirror.

Twenty-four years

And one apology later

Now the weight’s on my shoulders

Like forgiveness is a favor.

You might be my father

But I will never call you dad

So don’t come claim the credit

For the good parts that I have.

You gave me your blood

But you never gave guidance

Everything that I became

I built in your silence.

You ever wonder what a kid remembers?

Not birthdays, not toys, not the weather.

It’s sirens screaming through midnight air,

And a rope hitting wood on the stairs.

It’s a rearview mirror getting smaller

While a little girl tries not to holler.

You drove off chasing something to numb you…

And left the damage sitting right here.

I grew up too fast in a house full of ghosts

Little girl on the stairs while the sirens got close

You left more than scars when you walked out that door

But I turned all that pain into something that’s more

I was just a kid in the front seat alone

While you chased every high that you needed to hold

You gave me your blood but you left me to cope

Now I’m stronger than the ghosts you left in that home

Every mile you drove just made it clearer

I was never just your rearview mirror.