🎵 “(The Barroom Disaster)
[Talk – cool]
Met a woman at a bar, now we were both a little drunk.
She was pretty… but I was drunk.
[Male Country Outlaw – smooth voice]
All I wanted… all I wanted was…
Tooooo beat up on that skunk.
She said, “Do you wanna know my name?”
I said, “Sure, I’ll play your silly damn game.
Wha-wha-wha… what the hell’s your name?”
She smiled and said, “It’s Titty-Come-A-Dick.”
I said, “Uh… excuse me… come again?”
She laughed and winked,
“Oh baby… that’s the plan.”
I did the Scabby-Doo,
And we went to rent a room…
[Chorus]
🎵 Well the jukebox laughed,
The bartender grinned,
Even old Earl spit out his gin.
The neon buzzed, the whole place shook,
Everybody stopped just to take a look.
If bad decisions earned a trophy,
I’d have won it way too quick.
I blamed it on the whiskey…
And a girl named Titty-Come-A-Dick. 🎵
[Verse 2]
The motel sign read “Vacancy,”
The clerk just sighed when he spotted me.
He slid the key across the desk,
Said, “Buddy… good luck, I wish you the best.”
I tripped on the rug, she laughed so hard,
I landed face-first in the mini bar.
Knocked over peanuts, busted a lamp,
Looked like a tornado hit the camp.
[Bridge]
Mama always told me, “Son, think twice.”
But whiskey never takes good advice.
When your brain clocks out and your boots stay on,
You wake up wondering where your truck has gone.
[Final Chorus]
🎵 The jukebox laughed,
The bartender grinned,
My buddies won’t let me live it again.
I lost my pride, my hat, one boot,
And somehow left without my suit.
If there’s a lesson, here’s the trick:
Don’t let whiskey choose your chick.
’Cause every tall tale starts the same…
With a bar… a laugh… and one unforgettable name. 🎵
