(Music Intro: Huge, glitzy Broadway overture, dramatic drumroll, then fast, energetic showtune rhythm.)
(Gays & Lesbians - Verse 1)
You clutched pearls, predicted sheer doom!
Said our rainbow weddings would empty the room!
Thought tradition would crack from our 'I Do's' so grand?
While we just picked caterers, (gluten-free, what a demand!)
(Gays & Lesbians - Chorus)
SO HERE'S OUR BIG MESSAGE, you worry-wart crew:
Our marriage is just as mind-numbingly normal as YOU!
We argue 'bout remotes, who hogged the duvet,
He leaves crumbs in the butter! She sings off-key all day!
Your traditions? Not wrecked! We're too busy, you see,
Deciding whose turn is it to charge the darn Roomba, maybe!
(Supportive/Weary Straights - Verse 2)
Alright, dears, we heard you, congrats on the ring!
Waved flags, bought your toaster, the whole blessed thing!
We get it, you're married! It's legal! HOORAY!
But darlings... must your Instagram post it ALL DAY?
(Supportive/Weary Straights - Chorus)
AND HERE'S OUR BIG MESSAGE, now you've joined the pack:
Welcome to thermostat wars! There's no turning back!
"What's for dinner? I DON'T CARE!" will be your new song,
And finding their rogue hairs where they just don't belong!
Equality's here! So pass the wine, with a sigh,
Let's mourn vanishing youth as the crazy years fly!
(Bridge - Rapid fire call-and-response)
(G&L): Weddings fab! (Straights): Planning's a beast!
(G&L): Honeymoons epic! (Straights): Credit deceased!
(G&L): Changing the world! (Straights): One brunch at a time?
(G&L): Breaking barriers! (Straights): For pickles! You're fine!
(Verse 3 - Combined, quicker pace)
(G&L): So to those complaining 'bout our love defined,
(Straights): Get over it! They're just as boringly entwined!
(Final Combined Chorus - Both groups together)
(ALL): So let’s all agree, straight, gay, queer, or bi,
Love's a wild, weird adventure that makes grown folks cry!
Over laundry, or who gets the very last slice,
Marriage is marriage! It's... (dramatic pause) ...mostly... alright?
(Outro - Music ends with a final piano glissando and a sassy vocal ad-lib)
(ALL - spoken quickly): So relax! Have a drink! It's all just... marriage!
(Final brass hit!)
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