Who am I to you

Talking about feelings is hard enough. Repeating about the same thing is even harder. Because that doesn’t only show that you haven’t listened, it also shows it’s not important enough for you to listen. And that’s where I’m at.
Having no one but you is hard enough. You ignoring me too is even harder. Because that doesn’t only mean “go away for now”, it also means pushing me away till I’m all alone. And that’s where I’m at.

Sometimes I feel happy and think I have everything I need. Other times I feel miserable and think I have no one there for me. And you know what’s sad? It’s that those other times are more than the sometimes.

All I want is for someone to want to listen to me, to feel like they want me, to need me, to not think I’m boring or annoying. I want one person, even if I sometimes ask for more than one, if one person makes me feel like I’m on top I’ll be on top. But I’m not there yet.

I don’t have what you have, a family who cares fully, relatives who want to stay together, friends who are ready to have fun any time, or a partner that wants to talk all day and wouldn’t get bored of hearing my voice. I don’t have it, but you do.

And it’s okay if I don’t have number one, two or three, but what about four? You could give that to me but you’re not.

I simply sit beside you and talk about random stuff and smiling and you’re sitting looking at the tv trying to focus to win. Isn’t that sad?

I simply tell you someone hurt me and you defend them fully. You don’t care about the promise you made the night we got engaged: “I won’t let anyone hurt you” you said. Isn’t that sad?

I simply gave birth and am hurting and can’t move, and all you think about is playing games with your best friends. Isn’t that sad?

For the third time, yes it is sad. Not for you or anyone else, but for me. Because what I need is simple, and no one can do simple. Not even you.

Be interested? Nah maybe for someone else, but me. Because in the end, who is me anyway? Just someone out there who’s reachable when needed. Right?

ignored by my husband, I’m not interesting or fun, it’s a sad song, but don’t make it too sad, just okay