Once upon a Bottom

Hear ye, hear ye, come gather around,

The prince of the castle’s been turnin’ it down.

The maidens all line up, they flutter, they sigh —

But he’s peeking at Sir Richard’s sword on the sly.

No kiss from a princess, no spell to undo,

He just wants a knight yelling, “Yasss, woohoo!”

Once upon a bottom, he bent over fast,

Said “Put down that lance and go knight me at last.”

Forget about crowns or a seat on the throne,

He’s happier squealing in falsetto tone.

The fairy godmother just clutched at her pearls,

Said, “This ain’t the story for sweet little girls.”

But the jester was laughing, the guards gave a cheer,

When the prince screamed out loud, “Stick Excalibur here!”

No dragon, no tower, no spell to unbind,

Just a royal decree: “Daddy, get from behind!”

Once upon a bottom, he’s shaking the bed,

The whole damn kingdom heard what he said.

Forget fairy slippers, forget evil queens,

He’s bouncing for Britain in tight skinny jeans.

Trumpets are blaring, the banners are hung,

The prince just got crowned — but not on his tongue.

The wizard’s enchanted, the court’s in a spin,

The prince found his happily-ever-with-him.

Once upon a bottom, oh darling, it’s true,

He’s rewriting fables with lube and some lutes.

So if you’re a knight and your armor looks tight,

The prince is wide open — come ride him tonight!