[Verse 1]
Hear ye, hear ye, come gather around,
The prince of the castle’s been turnin’ it down.
The maidens all line up, they flutter, they sigh —
But he’s peeking at Sir Richard’s sword on the sly.
[Pre-Chorus]
No kiss from a princess, no spell to undo,
He just wants a knight yelling, “Yasss, woohoo!”
[Chorus]
Once upon a bottom, he bent over fast,
Said “Put down that lance and go knight me at last.”
Forget about crowns or a seat on the throne,
He’s happier squealing in falsetto tone.
[Verse 2]
The fairy godmother just clutched at her pearls,
Said, “This ain’t the story for sweet little girls.”
But the jester was laughing, the guards gave a cheer,
When the prince screamed out loud, “Stick Excalibur here!”
[Pre-Chorus]
No dragon, no tower, no spell to unbind,
Just a royal decree: “Daddy, get from behind!”
[Chorus]
Once upon a bottom, he’s shaking the bed,
The whole damn kingdom heard what he said.
Forget fairy slippers, forget evil queens,
He’s bouncing for Britain in tight skinny jeans.
[Bridge]
Trumpets are blaring, the banners are hung,
The prince just got crowned — but not on his tongue.
The wizard’s enchanted, the court’s in a spin,
The prince found his happily-ever-with-him.
[Final Chorus]
Once upon a bottom, oh darling, it’s true,
He’s rewriting fables with lube and some lutes.
So if you’re a knight and your armor looks tight,
The prince is wide open — come ride him tonight!