The Pre-Shotgun Protocol

Verse 1

He rolled up the driveway in a hybrid car

Wearing skinny jeans like a movie star

He walked to the porch, gave a polite little wave

I looked at my daughter, told myself to be brave

She introduced him as "Justin from the city"

I smiled real big, though inside it wasn't pretty

I gripped his hand, gave a gentle little squeeze

Watched his knuckles turn white and his kneecaps freeze.

Chorus

So I took him by the elbow, led him out to the shed

Showed him twenty-seven targets with a hole through the head

I said, "Son, let me guide you through the family rules

'Cause my baby girl don't date no city-slicker fools

Rule Number One: Have her back by nine

Rule Number Two: Keep your hands on your line

If you break her little heart, you'll be meeting my crew

And by crew, I mean my twelve-gauge and my hound dog Blue!"

Verse 2

He swallowed real hard, looked around at the wall

At the stuffed elk head and the chainsaw tall

I handed him a wrench, said, "Hold this a sec"

While I revved up the tractor and checked on the deck

I told him 'bout the time that I wrestled a bear

And how people who cross me just vanish in thin air

He nodded so fast that his neck started aching

I could literally smell the organic tea shaking.

Chorus

Yeah, I took him by the elbow, led him out to the shed

Showed him twenty-seven targets with a hole through the head

I said, "Son, let me guide you through the family rules

'Cause my baby girl don't date no city-slicker fools

Rule Number One: Have her back by nine

Rule Number Two: Keep your hands on your line

If you break her little heart, you'll be meeting my crew

And by crew, I mean my twelve-gauge and my hound dog Blue!"

Bridge

Now, I’m a reasonable man, I love a good joke

But touch my little princess and you're going up in smoke

He said, "Yes, sir, understood, sir, I respect your domain"

I said, "Good, now let's go inside and eat some chicken lo mein."

Outro

Now he's sitting at the table, using proper nouns

Scared to death of any country-boy sounds

Yeah, he's keeping his distance, keeping it polite

I think Justin and I are gonna get along just fine

Just remember Blue is watching you, son!