[Introduction] They told me growing old would be graceful, Said these years would shine like gold, Well let me tell you something truthful, It's not quite the story I was sold. [Verse 1] My joints sound like a gravel driveway, Takes me ten minutes just to get underway, Everything aches from my head to my feet, Morning routine's become impossible to beat. [Verse 2] My skin hangs loose like tattered drapes, My body's taken on some different shapes, What used to stand firm is heading south, Gravity's pulling everything down and out. [Verse 3] My eyesight's failing, everything's a blur, Can't hear a word when people speak or slur, Got glasses on a chain around my neck, Hearing aids make me a technological wreck. [Verse 4] My teeth are loose and rattling around, What I used to have just can't be found, My memory fades with every passing day, I wonder what the neighbours say. [Chorus] These are the golden years they promised me, Where gold means the price of my pharmacy, Getting old ain't for the weak, Gravity's pulled my body to my feet, The golden years, what a bloody con, My get up and go has got up and gone. [Verse 5] I don't sleep through the night like before, My bladder has stopped keeping score, Now I'm up every hour needing the loo That bathroom knows me better than you! [Verse 6] Can't bend down without breaking my back, Standing up straight is a skill that I lack, My spine's as stiff as an old wooden board, Got more creaks and groans than I can afford. [Verse 7] Got reading glasses scattered all around, At the doctor's surgery I'm always found, Pills for pain and patches stuck on tight, My medicine drawer's a terrifying sight. [Verse 8] Death sends me letters almost every day, About my pension and where I'll lay, My body's forgotten where things go, Lost all the functions it used to know. [Bridge] They say that age is just a number friend, But I wonder when all this madness ends. Its harder to keep warm and I move too slow, Age really buggered me up you know! [Final Chorus] These are the golden years they sold to me, Golden like the color when I pee, Getting old's a twisted joke, But laughing keeps me from going broke, The golden years, I'm still standing here, With my zimmer frame and dodgy ear, The golden years, what a bloody laugh, At least I've lived to tell the gaffe. [Outro] So when they tell you age is just a state, Remember what I've said before it's too late, These golden years aren't shining bright, But at least I'm here to share the plight.

The Golden Years Are Over