[Verse 1]
There once was a leprechaun so small,
The worst at his job of them all,
Couldn't make shoes, couldn't hide his gold,
The most useless creature ever told!
[Verse 2]
His pot of gold was chocolate coins,
He'd eaten half with guilty groans,
The rainbow he painted with brush and tin,
It washed away when rain came in!
[Chorus]
Hopeless, hapless, can't compete,
Every spell ends in defeat,
No magic tricks, no pot of gold,
His legend won't be told!
Diddle-eye-dee, diddle-dum,
Look what he has now become,
Every leprechaun's got their pride,
Except this one who runs and hides!
[Verse 3]
He tried to make a pair of shoes,
But sewed his fingers, got confused,
The shoe had seventeen toes, no sole,
It fell apart like a buttered roll!
[Verse 4]
His magic wand was just a twig,
He waved it once and danced a jig,
Tried to disappear but stayed in sight,
His little hat burst into light!
[Chorus]
Hopeless, hapless, can't compete,
Every spell ends in defeat,
No magic tricks, no pot of gold,
His legend won't be told!
Diddle-eye-dee, diddle-dum,
Look what he has now become,
Every leprechaun's got their pride,
Except this one who runs and hides!
[Verse 5]
The leprechaun council called him in,
Said this foolishness must end,
You've brought shame upon our name,
You're terrible at this game!
[Verse 6]
They tried to teach him proper tricks,
But he made everything worse,
Turned a human to a tree,
Couldn't change him back, not he!
[Verse 7]
His pot of gold left on a bus,
His lucky clover eaten by cat,
His magic coins turned into rocks,
He wore mismatched, holey socks!
[Verse 8]
He tried to grant three wishes bright,
But got them muddled left and right,
The farmer wanted rain for crop,
Got a chicken that wouldn't quit!
[Chorus]
Hopeless, hapless, can't compete,
Every spell ends in defeat,
No magic tricks, no pot of gold,
His legend won't be told!
Diddle-eye-dee, diddle-dum,
Look what he has now become,
Every leprechaun's got their pride,
Except this one who runs and hides!
[Bridge]
Other leprechauns hide their faces,
When he shows up at their places,
They've banned him from the meetings now,
Changed locations anyhow!
[Verse 9]
He tried to guard the gold at night,
Thought he'd prove he'd got it right,
But fell asleep at half past two,
A badger stole the golden stash!
[Verse 10]
The fairy queen said that's enough,
We're taking back your leprechaun stuff,
Your hat, your pipe, your buckled shoes,
You're the worst we've seen, it's true!
[Verse 11]
So he became accountant then,
Working with numbers, not with men,
At least with spreadsheets nothing's wrong,
Though he wears green his whole day long!
[Final Chorus]
Hopeless, hapless, can't compete,
Every spell ends in defeat,
No magic tricks, no pot of gold,
His legend won't be told!
Diddle-eye-dee, diddle-dum,
Look what he has now become,
Every leprechaun's got their pride,
Except this one who runs and hides!
[Outro]
If you meet a leprechaun weak,
Whose magic makes you want to shriek,
He's working nine to five t
