If You Could See Inside My Head

“I'm fine.”

That's what I always say.

But if you could see inside my head...

You'd know.

I wake up and I put the mask on,

Wear it like it fucking fits.

Smile when somebody asks me,

“Are you doing alright?”

I say, “Yeah, I'm good.”

And swallow every bit of it.

There's a hurricane behind my eyes,

A thousand voices screaming over mine.

I look calm from the outside,

But inside I'm losing every fucking fight.

I wish you could see

What I never say.

I wish you could hear

What I scream every day.

IF YOU COULD SEE INSIDE MY HEAD,

YOU'D KNOW I'M NOT OKAY!

You'd see the pieces of me

That I hide every day!

IF YOU COULD SEE INSIDE MY HEAD,

You'd know how hard I try!

I'm fucking drowning underneath

A smile that says I'm fine!

I laugh at the right time,

I answer every call.

I show up when you need me

While I'm barely standing at all.

Nobody sees the nights

When I stare into the dark,

Trying to remember who I was

Before everything fell apart.

I don't need you to fix me.

I don't need some perfect words.

I just need somebody to notice

That the silence fucking hurts.

Look past my eyes.

Look past the lies.

I'm begging without speaking.

Can anybody see me?

IF YOU COULD SEE INSIDE MY HEAD,

YOU'D KNOW I'M NOT OKAY!

You'd see the pieces of me

That I hide every day!

IF YOU COULD SEE INSIDE MY HEAD,

You'd know how hard I try!

I'm fucking drowning underneath

A smile that says I'm fine!

DON'T ASK ME

IF I'M OKAY!

I'VE BEEN LYING

ANYWAY!

LOOK CLOSER!

LOOK PAST THE FUCKING MASK!

I'M FALLING APART

AND I'M GETTING

REALLY GOOD

AT HIDING THAT!

Maybe if you opened up my mind

You'd understand the war inside.

Every thought I never let escape,

Every memory I can't erase.

And maybe you wouldn't have to save me.

Maybe you wouldn't have to understand.

Maybe you'd just sit beside me

And remind me

I don't have to hide.

IF YOU COULD SEE INSIDE MY HEAD,

YOU'D KNOW I'M NOT OKAY!

You'd see the war beneath my skin,

The fear I can't explain!

IF YOU COULD SEE INSIDE MY HEAD,

You'd finally see the truth:

I'm not asking you to fix me—

I'm just asking you to SEE ME!

I said I'm fine.

I always say I'm fine.

But if you could see inside my head...

You'd know

I'm barely holding on.