1ElmoSpoken like a shady podcast host, heavy breathing) This is your boy Alex Jones in the bunker... Tonight we expose the truth! Barack's got a first lady with a first... lady? Let's get into it! (Verse 1 – Conspiracy bro energy, fast & hype) Don't believe your lyin' eyes, folks, check the jawline wide, Michelle's got shoulders like a linebacker, arms that could bench the tide. Joan Rivers spilled the tea back in '14, said "He's a tranny, y'all!" Then poof, she was gone—Coincidence? Nah, that's the deep state call! Barack's out there smooth-talkin', "Yes we can" in the sheets, But when the lights go down in the residence, who's packin' the heat? Big Mike struts in pantsuits, flexin' those biceps divine, While Barry's whisperin' "C'mon man..." but it's really "C'mon, mine!" (Pre-Chorus – Building, with dramatic whispers) They photoshop the neck, widen the jaw, crop the bulge in the dress, But we see through the filter—it's Michael in the flesh! Transvestigation nation, phrenology on fleek, Adam's apple bouncin' like it's dancin' to the beat! (Chorus – Full brass blast, everyone yelling along) Uptown funk you up! (Big Mike's got the funk!) Uptown funk you up! (She's really a hunk!) Don't believe the hype, she's hidin' the pipe, Barack's wife is a dude—yeah, that's the type! Too hot (hot damn!) Call the Secret Service, make a raid, Big Mike's droppin' truth bombs in the parade! Uptown funk you up! (Come get some of this conspiracy love!) 💥🍆 (Verse 2 – Barack's "side," smooth & defensive, then raunchy flip) Barack steps up: "Folks, this is malarkey, pure hate, My wife's a queen, strong arms from kale plates!" But late at night in the Oval, when the cameras are off, He's yellin' "Yes we can!" while ridin' that... cough. Michelle (or Mike?) hits the gym, squats deeper than policy, Those thighs could crush a drone—pure topography! They say it's racist, sexist, transphobic BS, But explain the bulge in that inauguration dress! (Bridge – Slow grind, then explosive) Errol Musk droppin' bombs: "Barack's queer, Michelle's a man!" Joan Rivers ghost-laughin' from the great beyond plan. Photoshop fails, voter rolls fake, Adam's apple glow, But damn if Big Mike ain't stealin' the show! (Whisper: "Grab 'em by the joystick... wait, wrong prez.") (Final Chorus – Chaos, key change, full meltdown) Uptown funk you up! (Big Mike's in the house!) Uptown funk you up! (Strap game on spouse!) We got the proof in the swing of the hips, Barack's lovin' that D while she licks her lips! Too hot (hot damn!) Conspiracy fire, burnin' the night, Michelle Obama's packin'—yeah, that's right! Uptown funk you up! (Fade out with "Michael! Michael!") Fade with crowd chant: "Big Mike! Big Mike! Where's the birth certificate... down there?!"

Big mike