I wished

I just want to be loved, by someone, anyone

I wished I got to experience love as a kid

My own mother would’ve said such horrible things to me, she would tell me how I wasn’t good enough, she would yell at me every morning till I got on the bus

She would hit me, she would use anything to hit me repeatedly

All my life I feel like I’m never good enough, it was only 13 years of abuse but it feels as if it’s programed in my brain

I feel so depressed all the time

I have my own daughter which I’m lucky to even see 2 times a year

I feel like my mother was right about me all along, maybe I am toxic, maybe I deserved to be abused…. Maybe I should’ve ended my life like she told me to do when I was 4 years old

I feel so helpless, so lost

I feel so stupid, I feel like such a loser all the time

I never had one woman even act like she loved me

Man I wished my father was still here, because he was the only one who would listen to me

I use drinking as a solution, but I end up drinking myself to sleep in order to forget about what I was thinking about

I just want one person to hug me and tell me every is going to be A-okay

I’m 22 with my own house, my own car, I even own few other things.. I just wished one woman would see that I would work as hard as I needed to in order to make her happy

At this point I don’t even care if it’s an act, I just want someone to at least act like they love me, act like they care about me…