[Intro]
(piano note, smoke and strings slowly rising)
[Verse 1]
In the quiet I sit down and let the smoke fill the air
The only moment that approaches something close to not care
But even then my mind won’t stop it just keeps running the loop
Every question every failure every version of the truth
Been chasing something since before I knew what I was chasing
A version of myself I could be proud of keep replacing
Every broken one before him every time I hit the floor
I get back up and ask myself what I was even put here for
Wanting acceptance from the people that I love the most
Proving I was worthy to the ones who needed it the most
Pouring into hands that never held what I was giving
Spending years performing for an audience that wasn’t listening
[Hook]
Still trying to prove it to the ones who might not see it
Still holding out my hand for something I might never receive
Still searching for the version they would finally believe in
Still running that same loop that never lets me breathe
[Verse 2]
I was a top prospect once, had something real to show
Dropped it all and watched it leave before I let it go
Failed out of school, failed out of college, failed again
Looked around and counted up the exits of my friends
Every person who believed in me eventually moved on
I kept moving through the wreckage trying to figure out what’s wrong
All those years I thought were wasted every minute that I lost
Turned out that’s exactly where I learned what winning costs
Colorado, Breckenridge, construction in the cold
Minnesota tried again still couldn’t find my hold
Bouncing place to place without a compass or a plan
Just a version of myself still trying to be a man
[Bridge]
(stripped back — piano only)
I never quit
That’s the one thing I can say
When everybody else gave up on me
I found another way
Not because I had it figured out
Not because I was strong
Just because I didn’t know how to be done
Didn’t know how to stop
Didn’t know how to give it up
[Chorus]
The loop keeps going but so do I
Every version that I failed was teaching me to find
The one worth keeping, the one I see
When my kids look up at me
That’s who I’m trying to be
Still running, still building
Still chasing what’s mine
The loop keeps going
But so do I
[Verse 3]
Daily I wake up and wrestle with it still
That identity that hides somewhere behind the will
Wanting someone’s love to finally say I’m worth it
Knowing deep inside I’m the only one who earned it
Going back for the degree I walked away from years before
Building something real from every time I hit the floor
Smoke fills the air and for a second there is quiet
But the mind starts up again and I just learn to ride it
[Final Bridge]
(strings swell)
Now I pour it into them
Into the brands, into the mirror
Into the man I’m still becoming
One failed version at a time
[Outro]
(piano fading)
The mind never shuts off
The loop never ends
But I’m further than I was
And I’m not who I was
And I’m not done yet
Not even close
