Don’t Let Me Be This

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Wake up already tired, yeah I’m sick of this shit

Mind goin’ a hundred, I can’t sit in it

Say I’m good but I’m not, I just live with it

Bottle everything up ‘til I flip with it

I don’t wanna yell, I don’t wanna break shit

But it’s like somethin’ in me just takes it

And twists it, turns it into somethin’ I’m not

Then I look around like what the fuck did I just cause

I see it on her face and it kills me

I know she don’t deserve how I get, see

I swear I love her more than I say

But in the moment I push everything away

And I hate that

Every time I snap I can’t take that back

Tryna be better but I fall right back

Like I’m stuck in a loop I can’t break out of that

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I’m scared of the man that I turn into

When I lose control, I don’t know what to do

I’m fightin’ myself and I’m startin’ to lose

If I keep goin’ like this I got nothin’ to prove

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Don’t let me be this

I don’t wanna live like this

Every time I lose control

I feel like I don’t exist

I’m tryin’, I swear

But it’s like nobody’s there

Inside my head it’s loud as hell

And I’m fightin’ for air

Don’t let me be this

Don’t let me be this

⸻

Got a son and he watch how I move

That shit hit different, I got somethin’ to lose

I don’t want him growin’ up like me

Angry at the world, not knowin’ what to do

I remember sayin’ I’d never be that

Now I’m seein’ pieces of me in my dad

And that scares me more than anything

Like I’m runnin’ from it but I’m fallin’ back

Tryna change but I don’t know how

Every time I think I got it, I’m down

One bad day and I’m back to square one

Feelin’ like I’m always lettin’ them down

And I’m tired of sayin’ “I’ll be better”

If I don’t change, I might lose forever

Everything I got, everything I love

All because I couldn’t get my shit together

⸻

I don’t wanna be this man

I don’t wanna break again

I don’t wanna lose my home

Over shit inside my head

I don’t wanna see her cry

Because I couldn’t control my pride

If I don’t fix this now

I might lose my whole life

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Don’t let me be this

I don’t wanna live like this

Every time I lose control

I feel like I don’t exist

I’m tryin’, I swear

But it’s like nobody’s there

Inside my head it’s loud as hell

And I’m fightin’ for air

Don’t let me be this

Don’t let me be this

⸻

I know it’s on me

I know I gotta change

I just hope I figure it out

Before it’s too late