Toxicity and a Childhood Dream

I hate being gassed with toxic fumes and gaslit everyday

I can't stand this acid rain of a conversation

I always feel there's something missing

Maybe there's no love in the atmosphere

And now I don't know how to live without the constant pain

When he says he loves me I'm always questioning

If it's true or just lies

Because no matter how hard I tried

To make you proud, I never could

So now I see the bad sides in everybody

Especially the one who calls me baby

I constantly am worried that I'm not enough

But he stays no matter how tough it gets

And I'm constantly confused

But I he always says "I will never not want you"

(Even if I was a worm??)

I want him to love me

But it's tough when I've never seen a healthy relationship

I always look for a reason to jump ship

But he gives me no reasons to leave

I always feel there's something missing

Maybe there's no love in the atmosphere

And now I don't know how to live without the constant pain

When he says he loves me I'm always questioning

If it's true or just lies

Because no matter how hard I tried

To make you proud, I never could

So now I see the bad sides in everybody

Especially the one who calls me baby

I wish I never started questioning why people like to be around me

Because it's so fing tiring

Waiting for people to want to see me bleed for their amusement

And blaming me for everything

I'm so lucky that he is comforting and there for me

Because now I finally feel seen