Bleeding love

My own body disobeys me when it bleeds, 

it bleeds the emotion that I tried to stuff down deep inside my heart

My heart has walls around it 

I control what comes out from it but somehow the things that are said to me still stab me and make me yearn to be loved how i want to be

How i want to be noticed and known

Not just the little things like what my favorite drink is or my go to ice cream flavor which isnt even ice cream at all its sherbert

But would anyone actually know that about me if i didn’t tell them

Would they notice like i do to them

Would they wait to be last with me so i can make sure every one i love is there and not left behind like i was

Would the one that loves me like that be annoyed that i do that or would they think of it as endearing and protective 

And would he do the same for me even if i wanted to be last all the time

Would he tell me to go first and say “I got you don’t worry” 

Is that too much to ask for?

Is that a dream worth dreaming or is it a fantasy like the ones i used to read when i was little 

Was the love i saw a dream or a nightmare 

The “love” that was constantly fighting and arguing and throwing things 

Was that the kind of love they wanted or were they unsuspecting of how they would grow with each other with the stress of family 

Like a rose with sharp thorns that just keep biting into the skin of us all 

Making us bleed all the emotions but still love the same no matter how many times we get hurt

That we’ll still argue about the little things 

Then apologize 

And do the same thing the next day

The next week 

The next month 

The next year

The next decade 

Would it be continuous or would they change like they say theyre going to 

Or was it just a waste of words 

A broken promise that was never even kept for a couple hours 

Its a bittersweet emotion that bleeds out from my heart 

Because this isnt about my relationship 

Its about my parents

Its what i observed growing up and still continue to 

But no one wants to get help and i dont understand why

Why do you want to keep living like this

But the only blood i have to worry about is my own and hope they dont bleed each other dry by the time it’s over