You smiled the way the winter smiles…
Beautiful without the sun.
You learned the language of careful knives,
Never loud enough to make me run.
You never broke a single bone,
You broke the mirror in my mind.
Every question became my fault.
Every answer left me blind.
You called it love
when you erased me.
You called it peace
when I stayed silent.
Somewhere between those words…
I disappeared.
You never had to raise your voice.
You only had to raise your doubt.
You made me fear every word
before it left my mouth.
Every scar you left
is invisible.
So everyone says,
“He seems so kind…”
Love shouldn’t make me disappear.
Tell me…
How do you bury someone
without ever touching them?
Love shouldn’t make me disappear…
You rewrote memories
while I was awake.
You borrowed my eyes
until I couldn’t see.
You wore my confidence
like someone else’s skin,
then asked,
“What happened to the girl
you used to be?”
Friends became strangers.
Home became weather.
Love became something
I had to earn.
I kept chasing
the first version of you…
while you kept becoming
someone colder.
Was I difficult…
Or were you just louder?
Was I broken…
Or did you need me
to believe I was?
You wear a martyr’s crown
like Heaven owes you something.
Always searching
for another tragedy…
another reason
to polish that crown.
Breakdown
You said,
“God is testing me.”
No.
You’re testing me.
You called your cruelty
discipline.
My silence
became respect.
My fear
became honor.
Until one day…
you expected me
to call it love.
IF YOU WANTED TO BE JOB!!
THEN SAY IT!!
STOP SACRIFICING EVERYONE!!
JUST TO PROVE!!
YOUR SUFFERING IS HOLY!!!
LET ME GO!!!!
I’M NOT YOUR CROSS TO CARRY!!!
RELEASE ME!!!
YOU NEEDED ME TO BLEED!!!
SO YOU COULD WEAR!!
YOUR MARTYR’S CROWN!!
You built an altar
from your grief
and laid my childhood
on the stone.
Every wound
became another sermon.
Every tear
another testimony
that only you
had suffered.
You count
everything you’ve lost…
never seeing
what remained.
I’m not your burden.
I’m not proof
that God abandoned you.
I’m not the blessing
you resent
because I survived you.
Stop trying
to make me
the last thing
you have left
to lose.
Thirty years…
and I still ask permission
before I exist.
I carry guilt
that was never mine.
I carry shame
stitched beneath my skin.
These chains…
were always yours.
I just carried them
long enough
to mistake them
for my own.
Love shouldn’t make me disappear…
But every day…
there’s a little less of me.
Everknown_
