Suicidal tendencies

If you hear this someday…

Just know I tried my best

I been hiding all my tears where nobody can see

Everybody thinks I’m strong, but that person ain’t me

I been losing every battle with the voice in my head

Every night I close my eyes wishing I was someone else instead

And I hate feeling weak, so I keep it inside

Put a smile on my face while my soul slowly dies

People saying “you’ll be fine,” but they don’t really know

How hard it is to keep going when your heart feels cold

I been tired for too long

Carrying this weight alone

Screaming out without a sound

Even in a crowded room

So if I disappear tonight, just know I really tried

Spent so many years fighting wars deep inside

I don’t want the people that I love to sit and cry

I just wish somebody saw the pain behind my eyes

Driving through the city with the radio low

Thinking ’bout the version of me nobody knows

I write these words because I never learned to talk

And every broken feeling bleeds out in these songs

Sorry to my family for the distance and lies

Sorry to the people who believed in my life

I was drowning in emotions that I didn’t understand

Trying to fight the darkness with these shaky hands

Some nights I still pray maybe things will change

Maybe I’ll wake up and not feel this pain

Cause deep down inside I still wanna be saved

Even when my mind keeps digging my grave

If you hear this song someday

Just know I stayed longer than I wanted to

And I’m still here… trying