Absence Assassin

Yo—

Welcome back, queen of the leave of absence extension pack,

Two months gone, still acting like the warehouse should clap.

Whole shift drowning, phones blowing, chaos unwrapping,

But you stroll in today like your return is something that’s happening.

I’m the Second Shift Samurai, blade sharpened with receipts,

You the supervisor who only supervises seats.

Chair-hugging bitch, scrolling all day on repeat,

But soon as I clock in, suddenly you grow some feet?

Two-faced parasite—

To the lazy ones, you’re sugar-sweet, polite,

But soon as you see me, it’s “hurry up, do this, do that, go lunch at the right time,”

Bitch, I don’t need your guidelines.

You barely understand your own damn line.

You milk that leave of absence like it’s PTO deluxe,

Left us choking on the workload while you chilled like “good luck.”

Then come back with attitude, barking orders like you tough—

Bitch, if laziness was lethal, you’d be deadly enough.

You don’t intimidate shit—

Your whole vibe flimsy like your clipboard grip.

Trying to play boss with a boss-less script,

Everyone you train dips—

’Cause you don’t know jack shit.

You always micromanage me?

Nah—manage your stamina, manage your floor time,

Manage to walk more than ninety seconds before you retreat to your shrine—

AKA that office seat where effort flatlines.

You ain’t built for the grind, only built for excuses,

Two months missing, come back clueless.

While I’m handling forklifts, rerouting loads, fixing bin glitches,

Cleaning up disasters caused by you and your snitches,

Never complain, never flinch, never switch—

But you still talk down like I ain’t the one carrying this shit.

Your management style?

A joke—

A meme wrapped in smoke,

Lazy to the core, and the core’s been broke.

You show fake love to the bare-minimum crew,

But the Samurai walks in and suddenly you’re “brand new.”

So next time you start pointing fingers,

Let that reflection linger—

’Cause the only thing you stand on is favoritism and whispers.

I’m the Samurai—precision, discipline, pride.

You?

Just dead weight riding the supervisor ride.

And since you love telling me “hurry up,”

Let me hurry this up:

Stay in your lane, stay off my name,

And stay the fuck out the Samurai’s way.

Welcome back from your leave of absence,

Now kindly get the fuck out of mine.