[Intro – whispered over ambient guitar feedback]
Count the pills
Count the hours
Count the reasons not to disappear
[Verse 1]
White walls, cold sink, fluorescent haze
Another doctor with another phrase
“Take these twice and you might feel whole”
But they only blur the edges of the hole
Sertraline mornings, numb by noon
Fluoxetine under a pale half-moon
Venlafaxine crawling under my skin
Every little capsule says, “Try again”
But my bones still ache with static noise
A funeral choir where there should be a voice
I fake a smile with my sleeves pulled low
Nobody asks what they don’t wanna know
[Pre-Chorus]
And every night the ceiling bends
Like it knows exactly how this ends
[Chorus]
I wear a chemical halo
But the dark still gets inside
Every bottle promises tomorrow
While I’m dying just trying to survive
So I carve silence from the chaos
Just to make the screaming stop
A temporary kind of mercy
When my mind won’t let me off
[Verse 2]
Bupropion lightning in my veins
Lamotrigine trying to soften the pain
Trazodone sleep that never arrives
Just another way to be barely alive
Mirror face with the vacant eyes
Learning how to disappear in plain sight
Every warning label sounds like me
“May increase thoughts of tragedy”
And everybody says, “Just hold on”
Like I haven’t been dragging this weight for so long
My reflection looks more ghost than flesh
Held together by scars and medications
[Pre-Chorus]
And every pulse beneath my skin
Feels like punishment for existing
[Chorus]
I wear a chemical halo
But the dark still gets inside
Every bottle promises tomorrow
While I’m dying just trying to survive
So I carve silence from the chaos
Just to make the screaming stop
A temporary kind of mercy
When my mind won’t let me off
[Bridge – heavy breakdown]
I DON’T WANNA DIE —
I JUST WANNA REST
FROM THE WAR INSIDE MY HEAD
Every dosage
Every prayer
Every night choking on despair
I keep searching through the static
For a reason not to fade
But the only time I feel control
Is bleeding out the pain
[Soft Bridge – clean vocals]
If anybody hears this
From the shadows where you hide
I know the monsters get loud sometimes
I know how hard you fight
[Final Chorus – explosive]
This chemical halo
Could never resurrect my soul
But somewhere underneath the damage
There’s still a pulse beneath the cold
And though the dark still claws around me
I’m not letting it decide
I am more than all these scars
More than every night I survived
[Outro – fading instruments]
Count the pills
Count the scars
Count the nights you made it this far…
OraclesEcho
