I Remember You Through Past Lives

I woke up reaching for a warmth that hasn't been here since the first time we died. I’m clawing at the sheets, trying to find the indentation of a fucking ghost, feeling the phantom vibration of a heartbeat that isn't syncing with mine. It’s a sensory hallucination—the smell of your skin, the salt of your sweat, everything I’m not allowed to have in this pathetic, hollow "now." I’m a fucking vessel for a love that’s too heavy for one heart to carry, dragging me down into the dark where the memories burn. I remember you through the jagged holes in my own fucking spirit, capturing the essence of a love that’s just a slow-motion soul-crush. It’s the fucking torment of the "almost," the agonizing pull of the "never again," as I scream into a fucking void that just spits my own voice back at me. My tears are falling like a cold November rain, drowning out the sun, mapping the hell of wanting a man who is gone before I’ve even begun. It’s the essence of a soul bleeding out, real and fucking red, begging for the touch of a man who’s only alive inside my fucking head. I see the flashes—they aren't pictures, they’re open fucking wounds. I see us standing in the dark, the desperation of our hands locked together, trying to fuse our lives into one so the universe couldn't tear us apart. But it did. It always does. It’s a sick, repetitive loop. I’m walking around in a fucking body that feels like a borrowed suit, searching for the spark I’ve lost a thousand times before. I don't want the peace of forgetting; I want the violence of the truth. I want the hurt if it’s the only thing that keeps me connected to you. My soul is fucking hemorrhaging, leaking through the cracks of this temporary life, staining everything I touch with the weight of a love that won't stay dead. I’m reaching through the fucking veil until my spirit feels frayed at the edges, trying to catch a glimpse of the light that used to be your soul. So let it fucking bleed. I’ll keep screaming into the wind until the atoms finally break. I’m coming for you. In the rain, in the dark, in the next life I have to survive. I’ll be there, still wanting you. Still fucking bleeding.