Bongs Before Beers (A Southern Mistake)

Showed up late to the barbecue

Red cup ready, not a care or clue

Buddy said, “You wanna hit this first?”

I said, “Hell yeah, what’s the worst?”

Took one puff, then took five more

Felt my brain walk out the door

Looked around and forgot my name

Then I saw Jesus in a cornhole game

Bongs before beers, that was my bad

Now I’m dancin’ with a scarecrow wearin’ plaid

Someone passed me ribs, I thought they were snakes

Y’all, this high hit harder than my uncle's brakes

So take my word, for heaven’s sake—

Bongs before beers is a southern mistake

Granny showed up with that devil’s pie

Swore I saw it winkin’ with a bloodshot eye

The preacher’s kid was makin’ moonshine tea

And the neighbor’s goat tried to fight me

I climbed a tree to escape the lawn

Turns out it was just a plastic fawn

Thought I was floatin’ down the Rio Grande

But I was cryin’ in a kiddie pool, beer in hand

Bongs before beers, that was my bad

Now I’m slow-dancin’ with a lawn gnome named Chad

He whispered secrets from outer space

And gave me a hug with his ceramic face

So heed this tale for your party’s sake—

Bongs before beers is a southern mistake

You ever try to order pizza on a shovel?

Or forget how to blink for an hour?

Don’t recommend it...

Bongs before beers, it’ll mess you up

You’ll end up spoonin’ with the neighbor’s pup

One toke too fast, and you’ll start to shake

Then call your ex just for old times’ sake

So pace yourself and pump the brakes—

Bongs before beers is a southern mistake

“Y’all got any snacks?”

“Why is the sky breathin’?”

“Who the hell gave the goat tequila again?”