Black shirt Sunday

You taught me how to tie my shoes

How to hide when I’m bruised

Said, “Stand tall, don’t let them see”

Guess that lesson stuck with me

Your house still smells like soap and tea

Like you’ll walk out any minute, smiling

They keep talking, I tune it out

I don’t know how to say this out loud

Black shirt Sunday

Church bells in my chest

Everyone says you’re resting

But I’m not at rest

I’m standing quiet

Like you raised me to

Hands in my pockets

Trying not to break in two

Black shirt Sunday

You’re slipping away

And I don’t know how

To be okay

Hospital lights, too clean, too white

You look smaller than you did in life

I hold your hand, it’s paper-thin

Still the safest place I’ve been

I crack a joke, you squeeze my thumb

Like you know what I’m running from

They say, “Be strong, you’re the man”

I don’t think they understand

Black shirt Sunday

Machines breathe for you

I’m counting seconds

Trying not to lose

I’m smiling politely

Like boys are taught

Don’t cry here

Don’t make it awkward

Black shirt Sunday

I’m watching you go

Losing the only

Home I’ve known

If heaven’s real, you better wait

I still need you to say my name

I wasn’t ready to be the one

Who carries on when you’re done

They shake my hand, say “She lived well”

That doesn’t help, but I nod anyway

Your voice still lives inside my head

Every “be brave” you ever said

Black shirt Sunday

You’re gone, but you stay

In the way I stand

In the words I say

I’ll live louder

Like you asked me to

But every win

Still belongs to you

Black shirt Sunday

I let you go

But I’ll carry you

Everywhere I go

If I make you proud

I hope you see

I learned how to be a man

From loving you

And losing you